With teens, nice guys finish last


Ugh, I’m lecturing my teens — again!

What the heck is wrong with me?

As a parent, I’m in a quandary. I’ve made a discovery and I want to share it with my teens. But where do I start and how do I take this epiphany down to their level without sounding like Glee’s know-it-all Sue Sylvester?

My big discovery: nice guys finish last in high school. It only took me 47 years to figure that out. By nice guys finish last, I mean teens girls prefer “bad boys” and teen boys prefer the “heartless bitches.” That’s the simple truth and it is a hard to explain to a “nice” teen.

Recently, I listened to my daughter rant about the fact that at least a dozen boys were after a girl who she considers slutty and mean. I explained that teen boys tend to go after slutty girls at this age because it’s much easier for them. I gave her a little heads up on the value of big boobs and loose lips during the teen years and encouraged her to hang in there for another ten years until boys are mature enough to see value in intelligence and personality.

At the same time, my son is too nice to the girls he likes. He buys them flowers, says sweet things to them, and showers them with attention. The girls don’t like it at all. No, they’d much rather chase the boy who makes out with them behind the bleacher, and then text messages their friend to ask her out a few minutes later.

I’m not sure exactly the age when treating your partner nicely is an admired quality, but I’ve discovered it’s not in high school. Even worse, I remember blowing off some really nice guys in high school. Now, I feel like crap for doing it.

I’ve decided all I can do as a parent of teens, is talk with them about healthy relationships. I tell them that healthy relationships occur when both parties are happy and their needs are being met. Can a teen can even understand that?

Maybe not.

So I try a different tactic. I explain confidence is sexy. Being independent, positive and secure are what attract the opposite sex — at  any age. Right?

I enjoyed reading advice one teen gives on her website to nice guys who wonder why they don’t get girls. She says nice guys need to show just the right amount of interest to get the girl –not too much, not too little.

Parents, how do you talk to your teens about the value being treated well by the opposite sex? Do you think it’s challenging to get your daughter to appreciate a “nice guy” ?


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  1. Arden April 14, 2015 at 9:55 pm

    I completely agree! It’s hard in high school for a girl to find a guy who respects intelligence and integrity. And confidence is key to anything but it’s hard to find that confidence when men dont pay attention to you, not that I’m saying self worth is attached to attention, it just seems to help sometimes. I had the same problem as your daughter, I was curvy, smart and funny but only a few seemed to notice. Once I finished high school I got a job at a pub and every single man who came in wanted me. High school boys dont understand the value of maturity, and an easy lay is what they want, not a perfect girlfriend. (most of the time anyways, their definitely are some great boys out there)

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