When your teenager moves out to college does her bedroom still belong to her?

Over the holidays, I heard a disturbing story that I must share but I also curious if anyone else finds it disturbing or is it the norm?

Let me set the stage for you so you can get the full affect…

It’s Christmas Eve, we are all eating at the table, celebrating and talking when someone asks my cousin who came home for the holidays from college, how it felt to come home her first year being away. Well, she proceeded to say that she doesn’t have a room anymore to come home to. She has a bed, but her room was converted while away at college to become her stepsister’s room. Her stepfather decided to get rid of all her furniture and repaint her room for her young stepsister.

Wait, it gets better.

I asked my cousin, “Where is your room? Where is your bed?” She sweetly and innocent replied, “In a spare room, but there isn’t any furniture, just an inflatable bed next to the dog’s bed.”

At that moment, we all just stopped eating and looked at her in shock. How could any parent just take a child’s room away while they are at college and give it to another child without letting the older sibling know? How could they sell the furniture that someone grew up with? How did they not know how that would make the teenager feel? Better yet, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?? I understand if you didn’t have any extra rooms and the younger child needed a room, but the younger child had her own room… this room was bigger! How could you put them in a empty room with the dogs and an inflatable bed??

Oh wait, there’s more.

Where is the mom in all this?? Why doesn’t she say something, or better yet stand up to her husband, who is not the father of her oldest child, and say, “No. This is my daughter’s room. I want her to come home during breaks and look forward to being in her room, in her bed.”

At one point, it felt like we were interrogating my cousin because we all just couldn’t believe it. Oh, I forgot one more thing. My cousin’s biological dad, who was at the table with us, knew NOTHING about this either. He was in shock that the mother of his daughter allowed this to happen. My cousin acted like it was no big deal and I said, “How can it not be a big deal? It is your room you grew up in. That room is your sanctuary. Your home.” She shrugged it off and acted like it didn’t matter because she will be away most of the time.

Thankfully, my cousin’s grandmother said, “You always have a room and bed here with me and your grandfather.” I even opened up my home to her. I know it’s not the same, but it’s not an inflatable bed in an empty room with the dog’s bed.

So, I ask you.. am I the only one that thinks this is upsetting and wrong or do you think it’s okay? I am curious to know if this has happened to anyone else, or if any other parent has converted their teenager’s room while they were away at college?

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  1. Reenie February 1, 2019 at 7:57 am

    Wow. Just wow. That’s awful. Sounds to me like the step-dad was happy to see the older daughter was out of the house. In this day of boomerang kids, as a mom I would assume my daughter (only 13 now) might move back home after college. And we would be happy to help her out while she’s getting started in her career. By converting the room as soon as the door closes behind the child when they leaves for college, the parent sends a clear message – Don’t come back.

  2. Doreen May 1, 2019 at 2:23 am

    That’s awful. I think a child who is in College should still have their own space at home.(with parents) I mean they are just away getting an education not earning an income/financially stable. Personally I don’t consider going to college ‘moving out’ That was mean and kinda cruel… Especially due to the fact she wasn’t told before hand. She just came home to this. She wasn’t even given a chance to keep her things she liked. It’s like getting rid of your kids(school-age) all books/toys/games while they are at school not caring if there was a favorite or not.


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