What’s with the “tone” in teens?

It could be me, but it just seems like no matter what I ask or comment on anything to my daughter Olivia, the response has such a “tone” that it literally rips right through me.

I would knock on her door because God forbid you enter without knocking, and she would say in her tone, “WHAT!!!!”, I then come in and say, “I just have clothes for you”. It can be the most simplest thing as saying their name, and the tone “WHAT!” comes out.

The other night I knocked on the bathroom door and asked Olivia if she could hand me her dirty clothes as I was about to do laundry. Her response, “Damn”!?? I snapped immediately and asked, “Why the tone and foul mouth for me just asking for your clothes?” No response. I told her to have some respect and that I didnt appreciate the way she responded to me.

Are we bothering our teens by actually speaking to them? I don’t get it??

It can be a simple reminder of “don’t forget your lunch”  and then comes the “I KNOW I KNOW”.

Why are teens so moody and angry? When I ask my daughter, “why the tone?” or “why are you in a bad mood?” she will say, ” I’m not in a bad mood!”   Really? I wish she was so that would justify her tone and actions.

Is it a phase?  What is it? I was not like that with my parents, was I? Is it technology? We seem to blame everything on that these days.

Looking for some good feedback with a positive “tone”.

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  1. Kim October 10, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    I realize this blog was posted nearly a month ago…but I’m new here. I’d like to offer my input.

    I have an 18 year old son and an almost 16 year old daughter and just like every other teen alive, they occasionally have some “snark” in their tone. When I hear it, I stop immediately, look at them, and say, “Was that an attitude I heard? Do you want to try that again?” If it improves, we continue on. If not, I move on — as in, I walk away from them, shut them out. They know full well that I wouldn’t allow anyone else to address me with such disrespect and I’m certainly not going to tolerate it from them.

    And my kids would think I was sick if I ever asked for their laundry. I taught them how to use the washer & dryer when they started middle school so that THEY could be fully responsible for whether or not they had clean clothes. It’s been heaven ever since. 🙂

    1. mominthesprings October 24, 2012 at 5:20 pm

      Great advice!! I have to try that! I also like the laundry idea. This is why I love these blogs so parents can help one another! Thank you for your input and keep reading!

    2. Barb November 11, 2012 at 8:05 pm

      Kim’s remark is brilliant. I do the same thing – walk away if the tone doesn’t change.
      Also I agree about the laundry. DON’T DO THEIR LAUNDRY – teach them by the time they are 12 to do it themselves. I have been a foster parent of teens for 25 years and believe me they will not go to school in dirty clothes.

      1. mominthesprings November 28, 2012 at 5:24 pm


        I should come to you for advice! 25 years of fostering teens? Wow! Amazing! Impressive!
        Look forward to hearing more from you and your thoughts and words of widsom of the troubles and tribulations of raising teens.
        Thank you for reading and following our blog!


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