Raising Teens

A site for parents of teens striving for sanity

Tag: teen dating

Where should teen sex take place?

Last night we talked about teen sex at dinner. It was awkward and my son turned to me and asked, “Can we please stop talking about this?” But we couldn’t. At least, I couldn’t. I had a disturbing conversation with a friend earlier in the day and I wanted to talk about it with my kids.

A friend told me about a 16-year-old who has been having sex with his girlfriend on a park bench almost every day.  She asked me what I thought about it.  I told her I thought it happens A LOT — especially during summer. But I also told my friend I think there is a case to be made for letting your teen have sex with his girlfriend or boyfriend in their bedroom.

Many years ago, I overheard a mother telling her friend that her daughter and her boyfriend had sex often in her daughter’s bedroom. Her friend seemed shocked. To be honest, I was kind of shocked, too. Maybe it was because my kids were young at the thought of  teen sex hadn’t really been something I had given much thought.

Now, I am thinking a lot about where teens should have sex.

Should teen sex happen the park, in a car, or at some other public venue?

If you haven’t heard the latest news story about teen sex, here’s what has the Internet  buzzing:  Four teenagers are facing charges of disorderly conduct by after they were accused of having sex on a Cape Cod beach on the Fourth of July as crowds looked on and shouted USA, according to news reports.

Oddly enough, I read about this situation right after a friend asked me whether she should buy condoms for her 16-year-old son.  She wasn’t sure if he was sexually active, but she thought he was at the age where she should have them available. Now, I know there are mixed feelings about providing protection and encouraging your teen to have sex, but personally I don’t want my teens to put themselves in a risky situation.

A few years ago, I walked into my neighborhood clubhouse and found a teen couple having sex on the couch. At the time, I thought: “At least they are inside where they are somewhat safe!”

I hate the idea of my kids having sex at random public places like beaches or parks, but I am realistic that this kind of teen behavior happens frequently.

Online comments on news sites about the two teen couples having sex on the Cape Cod beach are mixed. Some people believe the teens were just having fun and should have been left alone by the police. Others are horrified that the teens would be having sex on a public beach with families nearby.

While the teens didn’t exactly use good judgment, I don’t think they should have been arrested for disorderly conduct. A warning would have been enough.

So  the question I have for my fellow parents is this: What if you know your teen is sexually active? Should you make it easy and safe for them to have sex by allowing them privacy at your home? If not, are you taking a chance that your kid will be the one causing an incident on the beach on the Fourth of July?

Mother feels jealous over son’s girlfriend

It’s  Video  Friday on our RaisingTeens Facebook page. In honor of Mother’s Day we explore a mom’s reaction to her son’s love of another woman (girl).

Can you relate to how Raquel is feeling? What was it like for you when your son got his first girlfriend?

With teens, nice guys finish last


Ugh, I’m lecturing my teens — again!

What the heck is wrong with me?

As a parent, I’m in a quandary. I’ve made a discovery and I want to share it with my teens. But where do I start and how do I take this epiphany down to their level without sounding like Glee’s know-it-all Sue Sylvester?

My big discovery: nice guys finish last in high school. It only took me 47 years to figure that out. By nice guys finish last, I mean teens girls prefer “bad boys” and teen boys prefer the “heartless bitches.” That’s the simple truth and it is a hard to explain to a “nice” teen.

Recently, I listened to my daughter rant about the fact that at least a dozen boys were after a girl who she considers slutty and mean. I explained that teen boys tend to go after slutty girls at this age because it’s much easier for them. I gave her a little heads up on the value of big boobs and loose lips during the teen years and encouraged her to hang in there for another ten years until boys are mature enough to see value in intelligence and personality.

At the same time, my son is too nice to the girls he likes. He buys them flowers, says sweet things to them, and showers them with attention. The girls don’t like it at all. No, they’d much rather chase the boy who makes out with them behind the bleacher, and then text messages their friend to ask her out a few minutes later.

I’m not sure exactly the age when treating your partner nicely is an admired quality, but I’ve discovered it’s not in high school. Even worse, I remember blowing off some really nice guys in high school. Now, I feel like crap for doing it.

I’ve decided all I can do as a parent of teens, is talk with them about healthy relationships. I tell them that healthy relationships occur when both parties are happy and their needs are being met. Can a teen can even understand that?

Maybe not.

So I try a different tactic. I explain confidence is sexy. Being independent, positive and secure are what attract the opposite sex — at  any age. Right?

I enjoyed reading advice one teen gives on her website to nice guys who wonder why they don’t get girls. She says nice guys need to show just the right amount of interest to get the girl –not too much, not too little.

Parents, how do you talk to your teens about the value being treated well by the opposite sex? Do you think it’s challenging to get your daughter to appreciate a “nice guy” ?


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