My tween boy is “girl crazy”

Every day when my 13-year-old son comes home from school he spends about 20 minutes telling me about his school day. Although, I don’t hear much about his classes, teachers or assignments.

The conversation usually starts with what girl joined him at the lunch table. Moves on to what girl wore a tight shirt or short shorts to school. And always includes what girl he talked to him the most on that particular day

Yes, my son is girl crazy!

My efforts to prod him about his science test or his math homework get overshadowed by his eagerness to talk about his conversations with his friend  over whether Susie is hotter than Jenny. He notices the girls who all of a sudden are wearing makeup to school.

While girls his age are swooning over Harry Stiles, my son is raptured by supermodel Kate Upton.

What’s a mother to do?

I’ve given the lectures about what to value in the opposite sex (intelligence, kindness, ambition) I have given him the talk about lust, love and sex. I grab every teachable moment to talk about what to value in women beyond looks. I’ve seen tons of advice for mothers of “boy crazy” tween girls but not a lot of mothers of boys.

All I can do is hope this “girl crazy” 13-year-old boy will one day find a woman he adores for all the right reasons. Until then, I’m trying to be a good listener and help him navigate the middle school years. Something tells me it’s only going to get more challenging!

 

 

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5 Comments

  1. Kristine Tye August 6, 2015 at 6:41 pm

    That’s the big challenge, isn’t it: being a good listener! There is so much going on during these years and teens are getting so much information thrown their way. A parent who knows how to listen can learn how to connect with their teen and be heard. I wish you all the best with that!

    Reply
  2. Brian November 15, 2015 at 9:13 am

    Hi Cindy,

    It sounds like you are setting a good foundation for a healthy relationship with your son as he navigates discovering himself as an adolescent. It can be very easy as parents to judge what are teens are doing as good or bad and I really encourage you to focus on the quality of relationship with your son and be very aware when you have the, “I am not sure this is okay” feelings come up for you. If he senses you judging him it may effect the quality of the relationship-and the relationship is paramount.

    My understanding of the phenomena of girl/boy crazy is that it is a temporary phase. Your son is at the early stage of puberty and hundreds of thousands of new brain cells are coming online every day. Hormones are flooding his brain and he will be “in transition” until his mid twenties. In other words, this too shall pass.

    I recommend continuing to listen to your son as you have indicated and make sure the message of love gets through. Some people are just more romance crazed than others and as long as he is engaging these feelings in a way that is safe and respectful (to both himself and his potential partners) then my sense is that there is no point in trying to shape what is true for him.

    Your son simply loves girls. That’s okay.

    Also, instead of lecturing you might try asking him open ended questions. Ask him what might be some ways he can show a girl that he likes her. Ask him how he might know if a girl likes him. Ask him how does he embody respect. Ask him about safety, both emotional and sexual. Maybe ask him if he has noticed this change in himself.

    The point is, our teens are going to do whatever they want weather we try to stop them or not. If we make their truth feel unwelcome then they are just going to go underground.

    Contact. Love. Inquire. Listen.

    Best,
    Brian

    Reply
    1. raisingteensblogger (Cindy) April 3, 2016 at 9:20 pm

      Great advice Brian, thank you!

      Reply
  3. Clarice A. April 11, 2019 at 12:28 pm

    With us,its just the opposite,our daughter is 13 and boy crazy!She is constantly texting boys and talking about them,hanging around them,etc.It is driving dad and i nuts! Last august,she was the “little” flowergirl in her aunts wedding and wore a cute,poofy,white top of the knees flowergirl dress with the veil,lace anklets and white shoes and had a cloth diaper and ruffled rubberpants under her dress.At the dance,she snuck off with a 15 year old boy to a classroom,and when i caught them,she had her dress off,and was only wearing her veil,and the diaper and rubberpants.She was on her knees giving the boy oral sex!I sent the boy out of the room,the daughter got redressed and she told me the boy was flattering her and that she wanted to give him the oral sex! We now cant trust her,so when we go places we have to keep a close eye on her at all times!

    Reply
  4. Clarice A. November 1, 2019 at 3:24 pm

    With us,its just the opposite,our daughter is 15 and a freshman in high school and VERY boy crazy! She is petite and very good looking and has lots of friends-mostly boys! They are always either calling her or texting her or comming over to hang out! We have caught her a few times with a boy in her room and the door closed and she has said repeatedly that nothing has happened!We were especially worried and a little paranoid back on June 2nd when she finially made her First Holy Communion with the 2nd graders in the class of 2019.Per the parish dress code for the girls first communion,she had to wear the poofy,short sleeve,knee length communion dress and veil with a white tee shirt,cloth diaper,plastic pants[rubberpants],white tights and white patent leather shoes.At her party,several of her girlfriends came,but also a few boys she had invited and i noticed some of the boys were staring at her!Towards the end of her party,most of her friends had left and feeling somewhat relieved,i turned my attention to start cleaning up.A little while later,i noticed she was gone from the living room,so went to her room and the door was closed.I quietly turned the door knob and burst in and she was there with a boy in an embrace and her tights were down below her knees and the boy quickly pulled his hand out from under her dress! I sent the boy home and asked her what was going on,and she told me that they were kissing and that he put his hand under her dress and felt her diaper and rubberpants under her tights and that she pulled them down so he could see them!Since then we have clamped down on her harder and keep on eye her more!

    Reply

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