Mother and Daughter BFFs

I think of my daughter as my BFF. There, I admitted it!

The realization hit me when my daughter went out of town with friends last weekend. I moped around the whole time.

I bet the “parenting experts” are horrified. But I think I’m no different than most mothers. I’m part of a generation who want to stay young, think young and bond with our daughters in a way that’s different from how our moms bonded with us.

I have plenty of my own friends, but now that my daughter is a teenager, she’s become a pal. She will watch the newest chick flick with me and indulge in my favorite mint chocolate chip ice cream. She’s even up for jogging a mile with me at a moment’s notice.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m close with my husband and sons and I enjoy spending time with them. It’s just different with my girl.  Something has happened in my generation that has changed the dynamics of the mother/daughter relationship.  We, 40-something mothers of teens, feel hip and work a little harder than our moms did to feel that way.  We’re part of the 40-is-the-new-30 generation and we enjoy hanging out with our daughters.  We have a lot in common.

To me, the key to making your daughter your BFF is knowing where to draw the line.  We all know moms who try so desperately to be cool that forget to be a parent. I know that I’m mom and when it comes to setting rules and limits, I’m capable of doing it. I don’t dress like my daughter’s twin (I have bought the same shirt but I’d never wear it on the same day!) I don’t let my daughter speak to me with disrespect. But I do confide in my daughter the way I do my friends, and occasionally I struggle with just how much to confide.

I love this posting on The Friendship Blog: The mother/daughter relationship is so much more comprehensive than a best friendship. It’s a relationship that is not replaceable by any other. This unique bond doesn’t mean that when daughters mature they can’t assume more responsibilities and give back to their mothers, but it’s never equal and it’s not supposed to be. Mothers never stop being mothers, which includes frequently wanting to protect their daughters and often feeling responsible for their happiness. Mother always “trumps” friend.

What do you think about today’s mother/daughter relationship? Can a mother be a daughter’s BFF and still be a good mom?

Me and my pal
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  1. Suburban Kamikaze September 14, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    I don’t know about BFF, but even at 13 my daughter shares my sense of humor in a way that other members of the household do not. Does this mean she has carte blanche to raid my closet, steal my makeup and wear my new shoes before I do? She seems to think so.


  2. Charlene September 15, 2011 at 1:50 am

    Cindy and Raquel,
    Congrats on the new blog. I love it!
    Preparing for what lies ahead with my girls.

  3. Terri Woods Williams September 15, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    I think there should be a new term other than BFF when it comes to the mother/daugher relationship. A ‘friend” would not be able to demand that a rule be followed or be able to discipline another “friend”. A mom can do both. The respect I expect from my daugher is not one I would expect from a ‘friend” although, there are areas that overlap. She cannot talk to me in the same way that she does with her ‘friends”. At the end of the day no matter how chummy we are with our daughters, we must not trick ourselves into thinking we are on the same level with them. Although I feel closer to my 17-year old daughter than I ever was with my mother when I was that age, and I value our relationship, I don’t think of myself as her bff. That is not my role to fill.

  4. robin and shelby September 16, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    We LOVE you guys and love this article!


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