Recently my daughter Olivia and I had a conversation about sex and she happened to mention to me that “it is better to lose your virginity to a friend than someone you care about and get your heart-broken.” She went on to tell me, “I know girls who lost their virginity to someone they care about or their boyfriend and they ended up getting their heart crushed. It’s not worth it. If you lose it to a friend you won’t get hurt.” WHAT????
How do I even comprehend or answer that? I was speechless. I could NOT relate to that. I told her that it seemed very impersonal and cold when you are giving the most valuable thing you have to someone.
She responded: “Mom, are you kidding? This isn’t when you went to school and you had to be in love. No girl wants to do that and get hurt.” I told her, “It seems like you are just having sex and not being intimate. I hope you are not just having sex all the time with friends.
She explained that teens are being cautious with their feelings and their body and they would rather give themselves to someone who won’t use or hurt them. I guess I have to respect the fact that they care enough about themselves not to just give the sex away like a hug.
I am old-fashioned I know. I told Olivia no matter what, never sacrifice your morals or the one thing she controls .. her self-respect!
This is such a touchy subject to many parents, and you may choose not talk about it with your teen. But know that they are doing it, so being in denial does you no good. Knowledge is power. I need my daughter to be able to talk to me about anything so she won’t turn to someone else when she needs someone to talk to about things.
I didn’t like talking about this subject with my daughter. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but at least I now know how she thinks about sex and that she does care about her self respect — even if it’s not in the fashion my generation would have done it.
So parents, I am interested in your thoughts on this. I am curious if your teen has shared the same views. Have you talked with your teen about his or her thoughts on first time sexual experiences?