Is it okay for boyfriend/girlfriend to sleep over each others house?

Little did I know 4 years ago when I blogged about this topic, which at the time I was dealing with my daughter Olivia with, that it would get SO much response from both parents and teens!!  I have to say it stirred up quite the controversy but yet, opened up amazing dialogue between both parties! So, I thought I would repost the blog for parents  and teens that may or will be dealing with this issue. Can’t wait to see the feedback 4 years later!


Posted- March 14, 2014

My daughter recently went over her boyfriend’s house last Saturday night to hang out like she has done in the past. I fell asleep and realized she wasn’t home and it was past her curfew. I looked on my phone and found messages from her saying she is sleeping over her girlfriend’s house.  I am a bit upset over the fact she didn’t ask permission and I know she is lying!

I asked her why she didn’t ask me prior to now and she said she fell asleep. More lies. I decided I would let her stay over her “girlfriend’s” house  knowing very well she is probably at her boyfriend’s. I knew arguing at this time of night wasn’t going to get me anywhere so I said we would talk about this in the morning when she comes home. 

Next morning comes around and like I suspected she stayed at her boyfriend’s house! I was extremely upset because we had this discussion before and I am totally against it as well as her father. She tells me that she doesn’t understand what the big deal is? Lots of parents let their kids stay at the boyfriend’s house.

I said, ” Well, it’s not okay with this parent.” She said my reasoning did not help her understand why it was wrong or inappropriate because she found nothing wrong with it. They weren’t doing anything and they are 17.”

How do I talk to a teen rationally about this? I am spitting nails and fuming. I think at one point I saw Jesus and asked for help because I’m gonna need it.

My daughter would not let go of the fact that there is nothing wrong with the sleepover and that it’s not wrong.

So, I am asking .. Am I wrong? Do you allow your teen to sleep over their boyfriend/girlfriend’s homes? Have times changed THAT much? I need someone to please help me understand this or at least help me make my daughter understand.

I did explain to her that sometimes in life, just because we don’t think it’s not inappropriate or wrong, doesn’t mean it isn’t. There isn’t always a logically reason.

That same day my husband called my daughter’s boyfriend’s dad and told him that she was not allowed to sleep over  and unless he hears it from us, don’t believe it it is okay with us.

I mean really? These teens now a days have found a way to basically make everything a battle. sleepover with boyfriends? Yay or Nay?

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  1. Mandy March 11, 2014 at 12:04 am

    You are not wrong – it is a big NAY! You have every right to feel worried and upset. Teens must have limits and while your daughter is still living under your roof – you get to call the shots whether she thinks it is prudish or not. Sleepovers are just asking for trouble, in my opinion. Hormones are raging and either side can be talked into doing something they are not comfortable with. And we both know, there is no going back. She may not agree with any of your reasons, but I would stay strong and definitely communicate with the boy’s parents that she is NOT allowed to stay over. Parents of teens are all in this together and they need to respect your wishes as well and be on top of things. Good luck!

    1. Summer November 18, 2015 at 7:44 pm

      Let me point out that most of you are completely misunderstanding teenagers. We’re trying to figure ourselves out and having someone to help us with that, is such a blessing. Being restricted from spending the night is super lame. If I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, I’d find a way. Sleeping together at night isn’t about sex. You’ve all got it wrong. It’s about being together when you’re most vulnerable. Getting to share that with someone while you’re young is important. It helps you learn and value relationships more in the long run and you’re less likely to marry someone you don’t really connect with. This is coming from a teenager who just got screamed at for suggesting the idea. I just wanna point out that I can’t communicate with my mom on the subject. We have no foundation of trust in this area and I’m terrified to talk to her. Don’t leave your kids hanging without a good reason. They deserve to understand why you’re punishing them. And don’t be so hard on them. If they’re decent human beings, reward them occasionally.

      1. Mother of 4 December 11, 2015 at 1:09 am

        Does anyone on these forums read the bible? Does anyone know God? Parents that are allowing such behavior are committing just as much of a sin as the teenagers that are allowing it to happen to their bodies. Parents that encourage sex prior to marriage are teaching kids that adultery is ok because most teens that have sex never marry the first individual they were active with. I guarantee the ones that do allow or encourage it are single moms. Absolutely sickening what this world has come to. You moms should be ashamed of yourselves.

        1. Underestimated Teen December 28, 2015 at 9:55 pm

          Don’t bring religion into this what are you stupid! Just because they are spending the night at each other’s houses doesn’t mean they are having sex and god is all about trust and forgiveness for our mistakes anyway you religious asshole. Sure it’s scary and all but that doesn’t mean that they are having sex and if they are shame on them and never let it happen again you have to give your children a chance because you telling them no is just going to push them to do it anyways so in all honesty you are helping no one but them to get closer to there goal

        2. Anon December 31, 2015 at 2:21 pm

          LMAO of course you would bring religion into this. Sorry to disappoint you but not everyone thinks the way you do. I think you need to relax and realize that what other parents allow their children to do is absolutely none of your business whatsoever. Worry about your own kids. If you want to use religion to guilt your kids into doing whatever you want them to do then that’s your choice. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with sleeping over at your SO’s house at this age as long as you’re in a committed relationship, but that’s just my opinion.

          1. Katilyn May 28, 2018 at 4:21 pm

            I don’t know if you are ever going to read this because it has been so long but I can’t just let this comment sit here. As a person who was raised in a Christian household and is now struggling with her own religious beliefs I want to say one huge thing about this comment. No!!! Do not guilt your children with your religious beliefs!!! It may not happen to every child but for me it has cause huge psychological problems in my life. And not just about sex, for me it isn’t about sex at all because I am a virgin, but it is also about other parts of the relationship like holding hands and kissing my fiance. Eventhings that are unrealated to relationships that can be considered sins, like over eating one meal by accident, a past argument with my parents, or a lie I told as a child. All of these things I have these things have ties back to religion that you can guilt someone with (there are a lot more but these tended to be the main ones for my parents). You should not guilt your child!! (Even the starving kids in Africa thing is so messed up!) It can lead to huge anxiety and depression problems! I am living proof of this! Please, do not guilt your child with anything, evenmore so religion because it can lead to huge psychological problems in the future that you may never get to know about. On the other side of this. If you are someone who is struggling with anxiety and depression or their overall psychological health please please please seak out help, whether that is from a doctor or a psychiatrist or even just an understanding person in your life, please find something or someone to help you.

        3. foxtrot January 6, 2016 at 4:14 pm

          I’ve never heard something so ridiculous. I live with my older sister who I may add, Saved and redeemed me and showed me the ways of Christ. I started going to church and serving God. I met a beautiful young woman and soon after fell in love with her. I did not get to see her often as I am 15 and can’t quite drive yet giving that she lives 11 miles away. But the first time she asked to hang out, that didn’t matter to me. I grabbed my skateboard and skated for 3 hours to get to her. Yes. I got into some trouble for this because of how far it was. But I see it was wrong and dangerous now. But that’s not the point. Teens have their secrets. I respect my girlfriend. She was raped when she was younger and I’d never violate her. Yes we agreed to sort the sex situation out after marriage but teens have their secrets. You must trust them. My older sister let my girlfriend sleep over all the time and we do nothing more than cuddle and watch our favorite movies and kiss maybe once or twice. Its not sinful… If you Bring them closer to God. He will show them the way and they won’t do anything sexual or adulterous. Even if they aren’t. If your teen is a good child and trustable and you’ve gotten to know their bf/gf enough.
          Then it should be perfectly fine. Given that you trust them that is. (:

          1. Maria May 20, 2018 at 2:07 pm

            You already committed a sin by lusting after her.

        4. Amber January 9, 2016 at 6:12 pm

          You know what else is absolutely sickening? You degrading single mothers and making presumptions and I don’t believe that is in the bible so maybe religion isn’t your forte :))) and by parents “encouraging sex” by allowing a child to sleep over is doing nothing more than just allowing the child to spend time with their significant other. I’ve never had my parents hand me some lube and condoms before, thus encouraging sex. Letting a child sleepover their boyfriends house is nothing but a human right to spend time with you want.

          1. No name May 29, 2020 at 2:45 pm

            Ok so I still live with my parents and I go to church and I read the bible and all that. I’ve just turned 18 and like others have been saying if kids want something they will find a way to do it. It really doesn’t matter, spending the night is a big leap and I’ve recently wanted to spend the night with my boyfriend. We’ve been dating over a year now and I know for a fact my parents dated 2 months and moved in together, but they still won’t let me spend the night! It is absolutely frustrating for me as a legal “adult” to not get to sleep over at his house (we also wouldn’t even be sleeping in the same room) just because it might ruin your image does not mean that it is okay to say no. People need to understand that teenagers are treated like kids but are expected to act like adults, so please religious views aside talk to your kids tell them how you feel and they will most certainly in return tell you how they feel. Nobody is perfect by any means and if you tell your teenager no then most likely they will just want to go behind your back and do it more so now than ever. Please remember you were all teenagers once too and even though you think we are crazy, so were you. You have your secrets and we have ours. So if they are willing to ask you in the first place and not sneak around just let them. It’s not life threatening it not going to put them in harm’s way it literally the same as them hanging out during the day and for some of us our boyfriend or girlfriend is our best friend. We love spending time with them as much as you love spending time with your husband or wife or even your friends. Just let it happen and get off of your high horse.

        5. Summer February 15, 2016 at 7:46 pm

          Just because a person does not read the Bible does not mean they will go and have sex. Itm not bumping your way of life, im just trying to give to give you another perspective. I am 20 year old pagan who is a virgin ( I have had two boyfriends) who has three friends (one jewish, one babtist and one catholic ) who are pretty darn religious and all have had sex. my parents were very strict growing up but losened up when they realized on the idea of sex I didn’t really care about it or relationships. People have different parenting styles and they have different children. There is no right or wrong, one thing may work for one person and may not work for another. Sleep overs between partners can be innocent and they can be more then a bit less then innocent it depends on the situation and the people involved . A person’s best bet is to go by what they know about their child (even though in some situations that may not work). Even so if the parent says no you are not sleeping over they shouldn’t but remember they may do it anyway, they may have sex at a different time or place. There is honestly not a straight answer for this.

          1. Summer February 15, 2016 at 7:49 pm

            By the way .. I just saw someone also has the name summer …. two different people just so you all know

          2. Prisca November 16, 2018 at 1:53 am

            Ur right my dear.

        6. Cooper Ray February 23, 2016 at 3:12 am

          Can I just say how irrelevant your comment is. Like, if we wanted to listen to a Bible thumper we’d go to a church. And, you don’t understand the way teens are. We don’t want to stay over because we want sex, we want to stay over because we want to spend more time with our special person. Like I don’t understand why people always think teens are Horny all the time looking for something to sleep with. No, that’s not how it works.

        7. Eldest of 9 March 3, 2016 at 9:57 am

          Don’t shame people for decisions you’re afraid to make. It makes you look rude.

          1. No August 28, 2019 at 4:15 am

            Honestly I dont get why parents say they cant sleepover. I am a 15 year d girl who has a long distance relationship with a guy (16) for almost a year. My mom didn’t want us to have sex. Well its not up to her. We felt that we were ready. I was on birth control and we even used condoms. Its about love. We have sex because we want to be closer together, more intimate. Plus we only see each other 3ish times a year. So we want to be with each other as much as possible, but we have to be seperated for bed. We just want to sleep togther. We already have sex so its not about that. Its about being able to cuddle each other and not waste the time we have together. Its about saying goodnight, and waking up to each other. Its about love. We cant do this though and it breaks my heart. Parents who let their children do this in a commited relationship are right. They raise children who learn what is right and how to protect themselves. They learn about truly loving someone which the millenials are losing touch of. Want to know why? Parents like some of you reading this. Our generation was messed up because you didnt raise us right. We fuse up? You give us electronics to calm us down. It goes in a circle and becomed addictive. Then in teenage years instead of going to a person for emotional help we go to social media for happiness. But its not truly happiness. It can never replace people. That is why our generation has the highest suicide rate. That is why we become depressed. So how about you actually care about us sometime and help us form well meaningful relationships. If not you just drive us farther away and learn ourselves. Unless you never want to see your kid compromise with us. Listen to us. Understand us. Times change, so do people.

        8. Tlee June 11, 2018 at 5:11 am

          First of all don’t single out “single moms”. I became a single mom because my husband accidentally died. Not everyone reads the Bible and it’s not your job to impose your believes on to people. Let’s stick to the topic of sharing suggestions and ideas of how to navigate through the teen issue of sleep overs!

        9. Smartass July 3, 2018 at 2:27 am

          The fact that you brought the Bible into this immediately invalidates anything you have to say.

        10. 18 year old Queen July 23, 2018 at 9:57 am

          Wow you sound extremely judgy and last time I checked that is like comparing yourself to god which is a sin. You clearly don’t get it if a teen wants to have sex they’re gonna do it no matter what time of day or night so if you think spending the night is all about sex then where is your mind at..??? What is the harm to waking up to the person you love in the morning and understanding and learning more about them. God created courtship but now days adults make it sound like a bad thing to get married young (be reasonable) so who really is going to court someone for 40 year to to find that they don’t really know the person they are with. I hope you don’t raise your kids to be that judgmental.

        11. Anonymous August 8, 2018 at 9:34 pm

          I believe in God, but to each their own about views. Overindulgence of anything you as a person like? Is a sin. Jewelry? Sin. Tattoos? Sin. Sex before marriage? Sin. Cutting your hair? Sin. We make sins every single day. It doesn’t define us as a person. I understand parents have made their choices in their past and don’t want their children to fall into that or have to live their lives hard so early. Me? I’m 19. I actually have a hormonal imbalance, I didn’t have a period for 5 months. My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. You can imagine, my mother was frantic. Yes we’ve had intimacy before, safely, my mother was told because I felt guilty. He is the ONLY guy I’ve ever been with! She bought every test off the shelf, all were negative. I went to the lady doctor, they did a pelvic exam and ultrasound. I am unable to conceive. I was told I am not creating eggs, my hormonal imbalance is so severe I am experiencing pre-menopause symptoms. Tests were ran, my chances of ever conceiving are less than 2%. I did want children in the future, they have me on birth control to regulate my cycles though. What’s this have to do with anything? I want my boyfriend to stay just a single night with me. Much like other teens have said, it’s NOT about sex. We honestly just want to know what it’s like to be able to stay a night together. We’re both very godly people but you judge us wrong. It’s unfortunate because I can’t have children anyways, and I’m on birth control. Not that I don’t believe in miracles. However you’d think that that’d benefit and help us be able to stay together.

          1. L October 17, 2018 at 7:12 am

            Dear 19 year old anonymous: asking for a friend’s daughter, did you get the HPV vaccine? They are finding it’s a side effect. There is a Vaccine Injury Court. You may want to file a report with VAERS, too. Maybe it’s a coincidence idk it’s just odd because I know several young women now who had this condition and I thought it was extremely rare. (((Hugs)))

        12. Gareth August 15, 2018 at 4:00 pm

          I agree with you. It is for me very wrong to accept their bf/gf sleeping at home. Biblically it is not wrong. Be strong with your decision not to let them sleep together but of course parents are not following their kids always where they want to go so we don’t know what they are doing. But let them know that they must take take responsibility with their actions and try not help them. That’s how it should be to discipline those hard headed kids. They don’t respect the prents so that’s it.

          1. anonymous April 5, 2019 at 6:26 am

            Hello! I just had to comment because of this; I was brought up in a very very strict household. I didn’t date until I was 16 – and even then I was not allowed to stay out later then 12 “on the dot!”. My parents were so overly strict that I just couldn’t take it. Yes, I was raised in a Christian home, Christian values and beliefs and I still have those values today. But, for my 18 year old daughter I wanted to do things differently. I talked to her about respecting her body and about her cherishing and waiting to have a sexual relationship with that special person that God sends her way. She tell me “it’s not about sex mom” it’s about the building a relationship with someone special. I allow her spend the night at her boyfriends house and he’s allowed to stay at our house. They are adults and they know they need to respect one another. Kids need to have the freedom to explore BUT also the responsibility to know what’s wrong and right and if you give your children the proper upbringing they will intern do what’s right. And wait for the right individual to have a sexual relationship with. You need to TRUST your kids! If you don’t trust them and their judgment or decisions they will never make good ones.

        13. Jason Silvers September 24, 2018 at 9:11 pm

          Bro fuck that shit I’m 15 and I use to be Christian til I learned all of that and I don’t even sleep with her I just want someone my age to talk to and feel vulnerable with bc my parents judge and so r u with that shit and the Bible says that’s wrong yet it does it all the goddamn time plus if y’all parents wouldn’t hate on us for the shit we probably wouldn’t do it

        14. Hidden November 2, 2018 at 8:51 am

          Staying over at a boyfriends house is far from adultery and is closer to being faithful. As well as the fact that it is 2018 and we are still going on about marriage before kids which is completely up to the individuals. Keep up with the times.

        15. Kay king November 29, 2018 at 4:30 am

          Is that what Jesus would say? Sounds a bit judgmental. “Christian?” I don’t think so. Go back and read more.

        16. Noah December 19, 2018 at 4:55 pm

          Teenagers are gonna have sex regardless whether your throw your bible and old ways in their face or not. So at least teaching them the foundation of safe sex and allowing them to make their own decisions wouldn’t damn them to hell. So at least do your part as a parent and protect them from their experience going wrong have a child as a young adult.

          1. mominthesprings December 24, 2018 at 2:22 am

            YES! You get it!!!

        17. Mary December 23, 2018 at 8:26 am

          Well My daughter is 16. She and I talk about everything and have a very good relationship. She makes straight As does sports and has a wonderful boyfriend. Her and her boyfriend are both virgins and are not ready to have sex. I have talked to them both that if they ever think they are ready to go to that step to please talk to me about it. They agreed. You are stupid to think that being demanding and strict with 16 year olds is the way to go. They want trust someone they can talk to about how they feel. They will find a way to do what they want and if you are closed minded and do not allow them to think for themselves you are headed for trouble with your teen. My daughter has a good head on her knows what she wants in life and is working to meet that goal. Her boyfriend is doing the same. People think 16 year olds are to young to know what love is but that’s not true. They are in love and respect each other. Respect is a key word which most people today have none of. If my daughter thinks she wants to take that step you damn right I will be getting her on birth control because if they are going to do it they will and you are being irresponsible if you do not talk to them about the risks and do what you must to prevent pregnancy. I teach my kids respect and what is expected out of them. Teaching them responsibility and consequences that is being a good parent not cramming rules and not giving them a voice is being stupid. They will rebell and get into trouble. Doesn’t daughters boyfriend stay the night yes he does. He happens to be my 17 year old sons bestfriend and is very protective of his sister. They cuddle and fall asleep. I’m up most of the night cleaning and doing house work any way and then my husband gets up and keeps an eye out. Door is always open. That’s my desision as a parent and who are you to judge. I protect my children but I’m not going to control them to the point they resent me either. I have very good relationships with my teens and they know right from wrong. They are still virgins, are in honors classes, and are respectful. I have raised 2 awesome young adults so I really do not care of what you think…

          1. mominthesprings December 24, 2018 at 2:21 am


            Looks like you are doing a great job! I couldn’t have said it better myself. Your kids are very lucky to have you as a mom with such an open mind and realistic one too.
            Look forward to your feedback on other posts.
            Thank you for responding to my post!

        18. Lisa Marie Starke March 3, 2019 at 4:14 am

          It sounds like you need to read the bible! Tho shall not judge!??????

        19. Misunderstood Teen March 28, 2019 at 10:53 pm

          May I just say that if there is a God out there, and I’m not saying there isn’t, but he bans a lot of things as well as adultery.. he bans masturbation, watching porn, eating small animals such as snails (which I might add, is a delicacy in are they all sinners to god?). He banned women speaking in churches, playing American football, wearing polyester, round haircuts, trimming beards AND divorcing a cheating partner?! Now come one, some of those are a little extream. I believe that there has to be something out there, something afterlife.
          Also, I don’t know what’s the problem with it… I really don’t and yes I could be saying this because I’m 17 but I sleep down my boyfriends and it doesn’t mean we have sex. My mother shouldn’t be ashamed, she trusts me which makes me want to keep her trust and not do anything she wouldn’t want me to do. I know people who have gone against what their mothers had said because they say no to the smallest things but I haven’t. I believe that I was a teenager should be able to stand up for myself, I have my right to. But you don’t have the right to speak for me or any other teenager for that matter and say that we have sex just because we sleep down our partner’s house. I’m sorry.

        20. Kedyn April 14, 2019 at 7:08 am

          NO. JUST NO. No matter of what religion you are, that was very disrespectful of you to say. She came here FOR ADVICE AND HELP. And you come on her and say she should be ashamed of herself? Just because you’re a christian DOESNT MAKE YOU BETTER AND MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE OF EVERYONE ELSE. NO ONE IS PERFECT. NO ONE IS GOING TO BE A PERFECT PARENT AND THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE MISTAKES – even christians. YOU should be ‘ashamed’ of yourself for taking the time to put your pure negativity here and calling yourself a christian. You could have instead told her your personal opinion while including the topic about god and referencing the bible, but instead you come in here with that un welcoming cold attitude. NOT CHRISTIAN LIKE AT ALL. Take a look in the mirror. Have an AMAZING day!!

        21. Disappointed human June 1, 2019 at 5:39 am

          You should be ashamed of yourself for critiquing other people’s parenting ability. Certainly your children wish they were in a house that allowed for some level of open-mindedness and discussion. Oh, and by the way, not everyone believes in your book.

        22. Vicky June 28, 2019 at 3:08 am

          I am a Christian and I’m 19, I feel like if you know you’re gonna marry your boyfriend it’s ok to sleepover with him. Is that ok in the eyes of God?? If I know and he knows that we will get married in the future??

        23. Preston July 7, 2019 at 5:57 am

          Why you gotta be so over the top let people do there thing, kids grow up and make mistakes but we need too, to learn and grow up, nobody is perfect not even you

        24. No thx February 2, 2020 at 1:53 pm

          Wow 🙄 I don’t even have words for such a closed off mind assuming and generalizing a topic that has different size and just to add IM NOT A SINGLE PARENT!!!!!! 😡

      2. Amber January 9, 2016 at 5:57 pm

        I agree with you Summer. I’m 19 years old myself and trust me sleeping over isn’t even about the sex parents!! If I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, like you mentioned, I would find a way. Why limit your children to seeing someone they care about to just the daytime when in reality sex is just as likely to occur during the day time as well? We only live once let your kids live and experience what they want safely and honestly with someone they care about without treating them like babies. Be happy they want to tell you honestly where they are. If they’re old enough to drive a vehicle, vote, and fight for our country, you’re gonna tell me you a sleepover with a boyfriend is bad?

      3. mom February 24, 2016 at 1:45 pm

        I see the point of YOU! You have your own reasons to say that. I want to say is that many parents may think that like what you think of your parents think. Have anyone think that if your parents don’t love you, they didn’t even allow you to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. A teen couple in a relationship that needs protection, which means, the adults need to help and protect. An early sexual activity is harmful and unhealthy, just because parents love their son/daughter, they need to prevent a risk that may/will rise up around them , sleep in a room with a relationship is one of a risky condition. Things may happen even you never planned out (whatever reason). There’s 50/50 chance. You are not a Media Player to have a rewind button. True love can wait, otherwise…..! We can not only think about ourselves(feeling, benefits, etc), we also need to think about the others more. Anyone can hurt you, but not your parents! It’s not about right, wrong, over protection and trust, it’s all about LOVE.

      4. Jj June 16, 2018 at 12:18 pm

        Finally someone who nows what there saying

      5. Madison August 12, 2018 at 1:10 am

        I have never related to something more. I wish my mom would stop yelling at me and thinking I just want to have sex with him. I just stop trying to even talk to her about it at this point.

      6. Gareth August 15, 2018 at 3:50 pm

        You can have sex whenever and wherever you want but not in the parents house if you are that hard headed. Parents don’t follow always where their kids go. What you are doing is biblically wrong. Parents are not comfortable with kids having their bf\gf at home and you must understand that. But if something will happen to what you are doing either the girl gets pregnant or something then you must be responsible to your actions.

      7. Lee July 13, 2019 at 2:59 pm

        Hi Summer
        As a mom if a 17 year old girl I totally understand you. My daughter and I talk a lot and this situation comes up.
        I know it’s not about sex. Gosh you can do that anywhere. I feels it’s about quality time just hugging and getting that quiet time together.
        I do feel it can make you so much more comfortable that sex can happen easily but they respect me and really appreciate that I let them do this. So I let my daughters boyfriend stay here. I set up a mattress and let them feel like adults in my house. They cook cuddle and just be.
        No one in love ever wants to say goodbye so it’s nice once in awhile
        They respect what I feel and sex does not enter the equation on these sleepovers. Because it’s not about that!
        I hope you can talk with your mom. You sound like a great smart girl.

    2. Jess November 27, 2015 at 5:25 pm

      I think you are totally wrong I’ve been sleeping at my boyfriends like 3 times a month and my parents figured it out and trust me to be responsible they know him really well and his parents trust me

    3. Bridget December 12, 2015 at 3:39 am

      Honestly, they probably have already done it. Sleepovers are more so the bonding and cute intimacy of relationships. I know for a fact as a freshmen in college, that sex can occur anywhere in highschool. If they want to do it, they’ll unfortunately figure out a way. I wish my mom had told me how sex was meant to be with someone special and waited for, I lost mine early, but a lot of sleepovers I’be had with my companions are not so much about sex but more so about the cuddling. At the end of the day, education is the best advice offered. Sleepovers with boyfriends/girlfriends are easy to prevent, but we do not automatically go to sex.

    4. Allison December 29, 2015 at 12:25 am

      Omg you’re so fucking stupid teens are not as sexually out of control as you think we are. Sleeping over is more of a bonding thing, if we wanted to have sex we would have done it already we don’t need a sleepover to have sex. Parents now a days are so misunderstanding and ignorant!

      1. Gloria January 10, 2016 at 12:12 pm

        I don’t tolerate it. My house. My rules. Go to college. Get a job. Get your own place. Do what you want. Bonding after midnight will not go on at my house. No matter how sweet.

        1. Nicolas February 11, 2016 at 9:19 am

          Not to be rude, but don’t you think that’s a little strict and at least a little imposing for you to have such a forceful attitude about your child’s decisions. At a time where most parents make a huge deal about independence in one’s decisions, there’s no point in trying to be hypocritical in that assertion by saying your rules. I get some things, but I have a belief that most parents are against it based off of a very chronic sense of distrust of their child. Because if a parent trusted their child enough, they should trust that they would not be craving sex nor would their companion. I’ve slept over my girlfriend’s house plenty of times. Have I gotten crap from my parents? Yeah. But it stems off of distrust and an implication that sex might occur. Hate to break it to you, but sex can happen in a minute. Yeah, when you go upstairs or downstairs to check on something, your child could have had sex. Now do they? No. So why would sleeping over guarantee it? You have to have to HAVE TO look at this from your child’s perspective. You have to have a little trust as well as a realization that sleeping over is about love and connection. You can’t be so strict on your kids and still expect them to make their own decisions because that’s ammunition for future arguments. If you make a big deal about doing things on their own and you bring up things they can’t do, get ready to lose an argument because of your distrust and hypocrisy. Now, you do what you want, but if you want your child to trust you and love you more, you should at least consider the option of sleeping over. Just my two cents as a teenager. It makes me frustrated when my parents make a big deal about it.

          1. mom February 24, 2016 at 2:01 pm

            First of all, you need to trust your parents first. Have you ever thought that you didn’t earn enough trust by what you have done? Trust is on a reciprocal basis.

          2. Lisa Marie Starke March 3, 2019 at 7:58 am

            I don’t think parents don’t trust their children, at least for me. I think it is more in the way we were all brought up. Sunday school, no sex before marriage, but we were, even before that kids were having sex before marriage. You didn’t want anyone in the community or church or school, to say things about the girl being a slut bla bla bla and the family is ok with it. Many teens commented on this blog that it being a trust issue, teens feeling parents don’t trust them. That is what my son said to me several times. My son is 15, dating for 2 months and they are inseparable. I bought condoms for him 4 weeks ago, always been open and honest with him. Found out 1 week ago that he had sex with her 2 times but that was not his first time. Last summer was his first time when I dropped him off at gf’s house met the parents and brother and went home. He called and asked if he could spend the night, they all (parents too) were playing flashlight tag, hide and go seek and it was getting late, I said yes. Well, come to find out he didn’t have sex for his first time over night, he did it in the afternoon when parents went to the store. The gf at the time, had rubbers and they had planned it on the phone for weeks prior. She was also, homeschooled. So, back to today, my son asked if he could spend the night at gf’s house for the millionth time. I googled it and found this blog and read it and realized, I do trust my son. I have to believe in myself that I taught my son right from wrong, being responsible, respectful, my morals and values. After all that is what he is going to use for the rest of his life. So, I text him back and said, Yes you can but you keep acting respectful and responsible and we will sit down and discuss how to proceed with this, because it will not be every night. He is a mini adult so discussing and negotiating a plan that we both agree with is the smart way to do it.

        2. Katilyn May 28, 2018 at 4:41 pm

          Gloria, I respect that this is how you choose to raise your children but (from personal experience) please be prepared for your children to rebel at some point. It may not be when they are teens either, it could be like my sister who rebeled at 25 and it caused a lot of strife in our family. This parenting style, though commonly practiced in American society, can cause problems for the family unit at just about any point in. And if this happens my biggest advice would be to not get more strict because it will essentially sufficate your child and they will resent you for it (until you fix them problem) because (if it “works”) for a time you have broken them and one of the worst feelings someone could have is being broken, even more so by someone you loved and trusted. Just food for thought.

      2. Hidden November 2, 2018 at 9:01 am

        I understand that parents are fine with sleepovers with friends and with a relationship there is an added risk but they should still be able to hang around with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Plus if you make them wait to stay in the same room until after marriage they won’t know each other truly when they haven’t had the best day when they are not vulnerable so it allows children/ teenagers/ young adults to learn.
        Some teens will have sex whereas others won’t you have to make you point clear but give them and their judgement trust.

    5. Rae January 28, 2019 at 4:13 am

      So being a teenager and my parents not letting me do as much as other kids since my older sister ruined their trust, I want to say that first off it’s MY body and if I want to have sex I’m going to have sex. However I’m not a dumb teenager I’m actually somewhat smart so I’m not going to get pregnant and I’ll take precautions. So even if I don’t get to spend the night at my boyfriends house we’re going to find a way to have sex if we want to have sex. Also for y’all who’s bringing religion in and saying that you have to save yourself until marriage is plain out dumb. I’m not insulting your religion but think about it, back then women were married by age 16 and they had a kid easily by 18 so in all reality we’re having sex at ages 16 or 17. Also I’ve slept in a bed with my boyfriend and woke up to him smiling at me. That was probably one of the most amazing time in my life. He made me feel comfortable and safe. So in my opinion girlfriends/boyfriends should be able to sleep at each other’s houses.

  2. TN March 11, 2014 at 1:29 am

    I’m speechless – why would a parent even have to ask if this MIGHT be okay? Boy/girl sleepovers don’t happen where I live – well unless the teen is homeless and boyfriend’s / girlfriend’s family has taken him/her in temporarily until other arrangements can be made (separate rooms of course). First off, I would have demanded my daughter come home immediately and if she didn’t I would have driven over there, caused a scene, and embarrassed the hell out of her-and even called the police if needed – if she were under 17 police could help. I could come up with a long list of reasons to give her as to why spending the night at her boyfriend’s house is not okay – sex being the number one obvious concern – which, you can remind her, can cause pregnancy, HIV, herpes, syphilis, HPV, genital warts, chlamydia, gonorrhea, hepatitis, etc. Not to mention her reputation as a respectable girl will be out the window.

    Come on let’s not be wimpy parents! Our kids should not be calling the shots!

    1. Bridget December 12, 2015 at 3:43 am

      Kids have sex. You can’t protect our innocence for forever. Education is key and explaining your experience will better help us as children to understand why sex is taboo and also why sleepovers are not okay. Making a scene will only cause resentment, don’t be that parent. Obviously it was not okay, but at some point, give the kid the reigns to their innocence.

    2. Amber January 9, 2016 at 6:21 pm

      So your idea of parenting is to “cause a scene” and “embarrass” your own child because they wanted to sleep over a persons house who they told you they were going to? That’s honestly pathetic and you should feel disgraced for even thinking about doing such a heinous disservice to your young adult.

    3. Madi January 28, 2016 at 8:38 pm

      Honestly do you think making a scene would really want to make your daughter come home with you or even listen to what you have to say? It is her life not yours, she needs to make her own decisions in life. I agree about the pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases but there are ways to protect against that. You should be clear with your daughter about how to protect herself. Also a bad reputation? That’s what really got me. why is having sex making a woman less respectable? Sex is a wonderful thing! It is what we were put on earth to do.

      1. Irene April 18, 2016 at 5:56 am

        I went to tons of links before this, what was I thngniik?

    4. JJ April 26, 2018 at 2:32 am

      And here goes someone with power issues :/

  3. Sarah March 19, 2014 at 2:35 am

    I cannot believe how stupid you are. Why didn’t you go over and collect your daughter in the middle of the night especially knowing what she is doing with her boyfriend? When you decided not to acknowledge it that night you gave consent. You acted like her girlfriend and not her parent. What should you do now? Invite your daughter to coffee and gossip with her. You made a bad decision.

    1. Lisa May 7, 2014 at 9:50 pm

      There was NO reason 2 call her stupid! There’s no telling how we’re going 2 react in any number of situations. Maybe she got flustered, caught off guard, etc. W.ev her reason her reaction was hers&its over&done with. U have no right 2 talk 2 her lyk that 2 express ur opinion.

      1. Kaysie August 14, 2015 at 8:30 am

        Your lack of proper grammar, as well as your substitution of the number 2 for “to”, makes your response horribly invalid

    2. Allison December 29, 2015 at 12:28 am

      @Sarah No you’re the only stupid one what exactly were they doing? You don’t know what they were doing so don’t go ahead and jump to conclusions

  4. Lisa April 6, 2014 at 7:14 am

    Lot of shaming going on here. I have a 20 yr old college girl, and 18 and 16 yr old boys. With my daughter, the rule was be home around 12 ….or 2 a.m. the summer after she turned 18. But lets be real. If they want to have sex, they can do it at lunch when no one is home- they don’t have to wait until it gets dark. Still- I make my 18 yr old come home between 12 and 1 a.m. night as well. But…when he went up on a ski trip with his girlfriend, her parents came down in a snow storm one afternoon, but they stayed up there alone one more night vs. coming down in the snow. My daughter let it slip that she slept over at her boyfriend’s (in college) a few nights. But oddly enough- they weren’t having sex anyway. Honestly- I know that. I know because she fessed up when she did have sex at 16 (in the daylight- while the boyfriend’s dad was upstairs). If it is going to happen- they don’t need night time sleepovers to make it happen. I would focus on keeping communication and trust open, and letting them know they can tell you ANYTHING so you can help them out of jams and guide them through the icky stuff. But…I still try to make them come home between 12 and 2 at the latest.

    1. mominthesprings April 6, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      THANK YOU LISA!! You “get it”!! The BIG picture that is! Keeping the open communication so they can tell you ANYTHING! And yes, if they are going to have sex, it’s not during a sleep over, it will happen anytime during the day while you are at work, during there curfew time etc. Olivia does have a 12mid curfew and she abides by it. She DOES not sleep over her boyfriends obviously, but the bigger picture was that she too told me the first time she had sex and feels comfortable to tell me “anything” or ask me anything whether I agree with her or not… THAT THAT is the bigger issue. Keep on following us Lisa and LOVE hearing your insights!

  5. Courtney July 30, 2014 at 5:12 am

    I think you’re making it a big deal. She’s with her boyfriend, she loves him and she slept at his house. She obviously wanted to feel close with him and enjoy waking up next to him and plus it was convienent, she was tired and staying at his house is safer then going home late at night in the dark where all sorts of stuff could happen. I think your approach is old school and not in a good way. You need to rethink it. I suggest talk to your daughter about sex, trust and responsibility. They obviously had sex no matter what she told you and they’re going to do it no matter what so why not allow it to happen under your roof or his instead of a car or a bush where there more likely to not use condoms. Times are changing lady, this isn’t 1950. Sorry to tell you. I’ve succesfully raised two daughters who are now in there 20’s. They have both been very honest about there sex lives because I have given them the platform to be. Don’t get me wrong, I never allowed my girls to just walk all over me but I think you need to soften your approach and be a little more understanding.

    1. Combine Agent September 15, 2015 at 3:40 pm

      The underlying problem with our society is that we think that the more control we have over kids and teens, the more developed they would become. The one thing sickening here is the way the bigots here and in society think it’s ok or justified for teens to be subject to restrictions on freedoms. Especially with the way they can nastily disregard the teen’s feelings of being violated. Even if it’s true that sex has its risks and dangers, there’s a world of difference between VOLUNTARILY putting oneself in harm, as opposed to unwelcome harm being inflicted.

      The more you subject teens (or ANYONE ELSE for that matter) to restrictions, the more they’ll rebel and fight back. What should have been a happy home WILL end up as a prison, full of conflict, tension, and suffocation. The stupid parents will end up with a prisoner, and not a son/daughter with whom you can have a meaningful relationship with. There will be plenty of mistrust on both sides, especially anger and frustration on the side of the teens. Teens will end up as prison inmates, and there’s no more a family of trust and love (unless you take into consideration the parents’ TWISTED version of love which is in reality restrictions on freedoms).

      Just because you financially support your kids does not give you the right to take away their freedoms, especially under the guise of protection, when the reality was that it was all about having power and control, to make the selfish parents feel better.

      Moreover, there have been clearly plenty of long established birth control forms, all which date back since like ancient Greece, for example. And medical science has been as advanced as fuck since the 1920’s, so you do the math. Hence, there should be no reason to stop a 13 year old from sleeping over at a boy/girlfriend’s house. It’s obvious when stupid parents STILL want to stop their teens from sleeping over, that it’s all about having power and control. Just like Medieval Europe, which STILL tried to regulate the populace’s sex lives, despite the well established forms of birth control at the time. And the populace then were basically sheep who couldn’t think for themselves, as they had no chances to make decisions.

      I’m 23, but I feel that if my parents did not restrict some of my freedoms as a kid or a teen, my mental development would have improved tremendously by at least 65-70%, especially in terms of decision making, rational thought and overall mental capacity.

      1. 2B a parent December 31, 2015 at 1:24 am

        I have to say right off the bat that you and every teenager in the world are all different. Different in emotions, hormones, behaviors and personalities as well as living environments including different parent raising skills. I have 4 brothers 3 older and one younger. I was raised with both parents in the house hold both on the same ideas when it came to dating and sex. Your response to this is all YOUR opinion. Therefore, you have a different view to speak on. Which I find very unreasonable. Children who end up in prison by far are not because of having unreasonable or very restricted parents unless the parents are abusive or have drug issues and/or other mental issues maybe. But the statics are stating that teenagers are more vulnerable to become delinquent and going to jail after their 18 is moreover that their is a lack of good structured parenting in that teenagers life. I was working in a non profit that worked on building a better and safe place that is christian based life style. It was a social gathering of wonderful things for teenagers and middle school kids to be a better person for themselves and to find themselves in a positive way of how Jesus talks about in the bible. I was raised with stricken parents, my mom was pregnant at the age of 17 and she went to a catholic school. My father lost his virginity at the age of 12. He told me he wished that no young kid or teenager would not have sex at a young age because you don’t have that bond that should be with a person you have been with for many years . My father was a judge and a preacher all before he turned 40. He has seen many things and has heard of examples and been involved with many different good and bad experiences and gave me lectures which I took as a highly important “listen to the wise, they have important and valuable information to offer.” kind of guide to follow. I was able to date and hangout with my boyfriend as long as it was with a bunch of friends around. I started dating by age 13 and my parents allowed it. I did not sleep with or even spent the night at any guys house either. Not because my parents did not allow it, but because I felt it would for one, be disrespecting myself. The thoughts of, “What would a guy think of me if I did end up sleeping over?” And what if things do turn into having sex? Am I ready for that? or what if I ended up catching an STD or even worse, a disease that never goes away?” Then the pregnancy came into play of thoughts. What then?” So it was these questions that made me decide that I would not want to put myself in any of those situations. These should be questions and ideas that teenagers really need to think about at first before they even ask to sleep over at their boyfriends or girlfriends house, especially in these darn ages where there are many new STD’s that are rising. I can go on and on to the why the NO is a good idea for parents to stick with. When a parent keeps an open mind on their teenagers thoughts and questions, it is a great thing to do, but also to let the teenager better understand the risks and consequences that CAN happen before a parent just gives the all “No because I am the parent and your under my roof.” Scenario. Furthermore, no, I really do not believe you end up getting resentful and bad teenagers that hate their parents because they were so stricken on them. I am a single mother raising three teenage boys now and not one of them have had sex or slept over at a girls house and never have asked me if they could spend the night and never asked their father either when they were over there too. I do think many teenagers do have freedoms as long as the teenager respects and understands the reasons why their parents are saying “no” . When you have teenagers doing what they want they will never learn boundaries or understanding the why’s and why not’s .
        Here is a scenerio teenagers may understand better then the No is a no, answer. Here are a few examples of the consequences for a parent saying yes for their teenager spending the night at a boyfriend/girlfriend’s house: Say a girl does end up staying over night and somethings do happen (i.e. he tries to push the envelope and has sex.) She may not have been ready to go that far with him and now she is put in a situation that she feels that if she doesn’t follow through she will be called names at school or he ends up dumping her because she did sleep with him. She would have resentment toward herself because he told her he loved her just to get into her pants. And he ends up calling her a slut for doing it and tells all his friends she was easy? All because her parents said, “Yes.” to her spending the night. I have many more but I think this was one that should get parents to think for their teenager that parents only are looking after the best interest for their teenagers FUTURE and LIFE choices. Not just let teenagers experience ALL things on their own of said “freedom” on this topic. Peace and I hope you can forgive and understand why your parents were stricked on you. If not know, you will eventually see why when you have your own children.

    2. Payton February 3, 2019 at 8:19 pm

      Why do you automatically assume they had sex “no matter what” she told her mom? Sleeping over is not all about sex. I don’t understand parents thinking teenagers are sex crazy 24/7 and that’s all they wanna do? Like you said, if teenagers want to have sex, they will. It doesn’t have to be night. I want to sleep over at my boyfriends house because my mom allows me to be there until 12:30 and I am 17. We fall asleep sometimes cuddling and I wake up and I am very groggy and tired driving home and I don’t want to leave because I felt so comfortable with him laying next to me. There are some nights my mom passes out drunk at home before 12:30 and then in the morning preaches about how she can’t fall asleep until I am home. Parents just don’t make sense. You guys are so unrealistic. You say you were teenagers once but you don’t understand the want for innocent connection, love, protection, and basic compassion. That doesn’t involve sex. If we wanted to have sex, we would’ve by now.

  6. mandy November 11, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    in my opinion, I don’t think its wrong. If they really wanted to have sex, they could do it anywhere.. They wouldn’t wait until dark to do it. super old school, as long as you trust them, that should be all that matters. trust is key.

    1. mominthesprings December 16, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      I couldn’t agree more Mandy. It may not be what we would do or be allowed to do but a mom can no longer think like that if they want to have any relationship with their daughter or better yet.
      Thank you for your comment and of course for following our blog!

  7. Sandy February 14, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    Regardless whether you believe it is right or wrong, it is a matter of respect. If the teen knows his/her parents feelings on “sleepovers” and knows this will disappoint and upset them, it is wrong. Why, beyond self gratification would they intentionally do something that will hurt someone? It’s not even just the sleepover, it is the lies that accompany the actions.

    1. Lavon April 18, 2016 at 7:35 am

      So much info in so few words. Totlosy could learn a lot.

  8. Jackie February 17, 2015 at 5:21 pm

    If you’ve raised your daughter right, and she can make good decisions it shouldn’t be such a big deal. She probably thinks you don’t trust her. Not all teens are having sex, my daughter for example. Her and her boy friend have been together for a few months now and this passed Valentines day she asked me if she could spend the night at his house. Of course I don’t want her having sex at 16, 17 next week what parent would. But I went to the house and looked at the living situation and talked to the other adults in the house and we were all on the same page. Some teen couples ask to sleep over to actually SLEEP over.

    1. mominthesprings March 5, 2015 at 6:22 pm

      Jackie- I’m in awe of your statement because it is so real, true and honest. Not many parents think like us, but that’s ok we do what’s best for our children.
      Thank you for following our blog and please keep following!!

  9. Ian April 9, 2015 at 5:59 pm

    Honestly, I think the issue is bigger than sex. Teens will have sex. But as parents do you want to condone the act? Do you want to show that you accept the act, and more importantly provide the time and place to do it?

    Beyond that is the fact that “playing house” will become a expectation of the children. They will want to do this more frequently, and with each occurrence their fears will lessen and they will become more comfortable with acting out the roles of an “adult”. Then there will be no reason to pursue the independence that a young adult should pursue.

    Why should they seek to get a job, or live on their own…when they can continue to live at home while being taken care of (like a child), but engage in sexual activity (like an adult).

    This creates blurred lines. I say you teach that being an adult comes with responsibility and that as a parent it is not your responsibility to provide a place for teens to explore their sexuality and become over-committed in a relationship in which they may not be emotionally ready for.

    1. Amanda September 23, 2015 at 12:39 pm

      Wow I agree. That makes sense

    2. richard November 21, 2015 at 7:12 pm

      This is the best response I’ve read.

  10. Leah April 14, 2015 at 8:04 am

    Hi, I’m 16 myself and I stumbled across this when internet surfing. I do believe that your concerns are understandable and you only want what best for your daughter. And that’s an example of a good mother. However, you need to trust that your daughter is morally strong enough to say no if she doesn’t feel comfortable. It’s a hard situation to explain and I don’t even understand why it is so wrong to stay over because I know that all I’m going to do is sleep. I’m not going to have unprotected sex and gain life ruining STD’s, and I’m most certainly not going to have sex with someone until at least the one year mark. If he can love me that long, I can trust him to be caring enough to make me feel comfortable. I personally have never been intimate like that with someone, and I feel that maybe your daughter may just want to feel the intimacy and security you gain from sleeping in your loves arms. Encourage the natural progression of the relationship instead of forcing it to slow. Sleeping over someone’s house can be very romantic and help your daughter to not only to learn more about her boyfriend but to have faith in her trust in her. For you, I suggest putting limitations on their over night stays at first to let yourself get more comfortable with the idea and the so see how it goes from there. Hope this helps!

    1. Pamela January 8, 2016 at 10:30 am

      You hit the nail square on the head with this comment..thank you! It’s nice to know there’s another “like-minded” human out there..thank you! Thank you! do you feel having girlfriends/boyfriends sleeping over a lot would effect a younger, 7 year old sibling?

  11. Arden April 14, 2015 at 9:39 pm

    Personally, my mother went through great measures to make sure I understood about safe sex and respectful relationships. If your teenagers are having sex most likely they are not doing it when sleeping over at a boyfriends/girlfriends house. Teens will find a place to have sex no matter what, if you are a respectful parent and have open relationships with your kids they will tell you when they are having sex and that will give you an idea of their maturity level. When I became a women my mother knew my entire sex life and she completely condoned adult sleep overs because she knew I was a grown ass women who could handle myself. Treat your own kids with the same respect they are going to grow up eventually.

  12. Ian April 15, 2015 at 8:27 pm

    To the 16 year old…do you feel it’s a parents responsibility to allow gf/bf sleepovers, and if so why. Do you feel at that age that it is a good to move so quickly into the type of relationship that mimics living together? What if there are younger children in the home…do you think it teaches them that parents are accepting of their children’s sexual relationship and potentially promotes their experimentation even earlier?

  13. Natalie May 4, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    I myself am a 16 year old girl. I have been in a relationship for 15 months and my boyfriend is 17. I see myself as quite mature for my age and I am very strong willed. My mum has always made sure that we have a close relationship and I can talk to her about anything. I understand your point but if you trust your daughter then what is the problem? As many people have said if teens want to have sex they will, it really doesn’t matter when or where (within limits obviously). My boyfriends parents were going away for the weekend but he was working so he couldn’t go, his mum doesn’t like him staying at home on his own and our parents were talking. My mum offered to let him stay overnight so that he wasn’t home alone. The agreement was that he was to stay in my bed and I would sleep wherever she thought was appropriate. My mum trusts me and she actually let us sleep in the same room. I respect her completely and we engaged in no sexual contact whatsoever as that would be going against what she has taught me. Since then he has slept on one other occasion where we had been to a family wedding, and his parents were away again as his dad works away on some occasions. Again she made the rules clear and we did nothing sexual again. Even if there would’ve been no rules I still would never do anything that I didn’t feel comfortable with and my boyfriend knows this. My door is always open and my mum can walk in anytime as we have nothing to hide. He did sleepover just to “sleep”, just like my best friend not to have sex as some people may think. You should trust her to be able to make her own decisions and talk to you if she needs your help/advice.

  14. Cassie May 17, 2015 at 11:33 pm

    Hi, I am an 19 year old who’s mother will not allow her to sleep over her boyfriend’s (parent’s) house. Just last week I asked my mom if I could go over my friend’s house, and agent old me that I was an adult and did not need to ask, but rather let her know where I was going. So the other night I was at my boyfriend’s house (after letting my mom know). It was really late, we were both tired and comfy watching The Office (great show by the way). He asked if I wanted to sleep over instead of having to drive me all the way home. Since it was so late I texted my mom to let her know I was sleeping over. And that’s exactly what I did: SLEPT OVER. We didn’t have sex or do anything risqué. We cuddled and went to bed. The next day I came home and my mom yelled at me and gave me a 10pm curfew. I thought I was an adult. I still followed her rule by letting her know. I just don’t understand and it really hurts me that she does not trust me and does not think I can make good decisions on my own. In college I slept over his dorm many times and we’d only kiss and cuddle. Not ever teenage is addicted to sex, and I wish she’d understand that I’m not trying to do anything risky like that. I just love to be around him. He’s not only my boyfriend, but my best friend too. I just love spending time with him, no matter how lame we’re being (by binge watching Netflix)

    1. Libby April 18, 2016 at 2:34 am

      Hey, that’s a clever way of thikning about it.

  15. Nicolas June 15, 2015 at 2:49 pm

    Hi. So I’m an 18 year old guy and I am having some issues nowadays. I’m in complete love with my girlfriend of 11 months going on a year. And I mean in absolute love. Like, just being near her makes me happy as does a single thought about her and especially having her in my arms. Well, months ago, that was when I first slept over my girlfriend’s house and from the sound of it, my mom was perfectly okay with it. Like, had no objections or complaints. We slept over again and there was no problem yet. Last night, I slept over because there was a huge storm that happened late at night and I didn’t think it would be right to walk home in that. So then anyway, I get home to take my mom and dog to the vet and that’s when my mom says that it’s inappropriate that I sleep over. Her side of the argument is that I’m 18 and she’s 17 and we’re only dating and she says that it’s inappropriate of us to spend day and night together. I don’t really see the inappropriateness in that. But there’s more to this whole story. My girlfriend’s dad just became a deacon and he is also very Italian. He’s very protective of his daughters and doesn’t let just anyone into his house. HE actually WANTS me to sleep over some nights because he loves me and trusts me. My mom says uses that reason as an example that it’s inappropriate even though that just goes to show how much her dad trusts and loves us and that he doesn’t think it’s inappropriate at all. My mom hasn’t said anything else other than the fact that we’re 18 and 16 and we’re dating so it’s inappropriate to spend the night together. Maybe I actually like to just sleep (no sex) next to the love of my life. Maybe it’s more comforting than waking up in my house without someone who loves me for 17 years (she’s my first girlfriend and I fully intend on marrying her). Maybe it makes me inexpressibly happy to fall asleep cuddling together and waking her up with a kiss on the forehead and cheek. From all of that, it sounds like my mom doesn’t trust me. Now she’s like strict about everything like I hang out with her too much. I’m sorry, for 17 years I never really had friends and stayed home all day even though some nights you’d go out and I’d stay home alone but when I’M the one who goes out for once, I get shit for it. When I finally meet someone I can see myself living the rest of my life with and wanting to actually go on dates with her and be with her, that’s when my parents get upset. Sounds like a trust issue to me.

  16. Mike June 19, 2015 at 9:35 am

    Hi, im 17, by what i read i saw a lot parents being worryed and against sleepovers. And i could imagine why parents wouldnt want that. Parents dont want sleepovers because they dont want their son/daughter having sex. But even if parents say no to sleepovers teenagers will always find a way, trust me. But your daughter or son may not even be virgins anymore, and youll never know. From my point of view the best parent-child relationship is one where u can talk freely and truthfully to your daughter/son. I tell my mom everything and she lets me go to parties or sleepover at a girls house. Is that bad parenting? I dont think so. Im healthy, graduated with good grades, never took drugs, never got drunk and i always listen to her. And to be honest i dont see why sex is such a bad thing. Its something wonderful. You just need to teach them to always be safe. If i had a daughter and came to me and said ” can i sleepover at my boyfriends place? I would honestly freeze and feel as if i was punched in the gut. But by saying no it will result in arguing and she’ll end up doing something even worst and rebeling. Strict parents make sneaky kids. And if i was a parent i would preffer that she tell me everything then finding out that shes pregnant or STDs.

  17. Samantha R. July 6, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    Hi, I may be a 16 year old with no experience in the dating world, but even I know that staying over at my boyfriend’s house would be a big no. I don’t think that it’s absurd to have your daughter respect your wishes and not stay over at her boyfriend’s house. However, I can understand your daughter’s frustration–by calling the boyfriend’s trust it might instill a belief in your daughter that you don’t trust her and think she doesn’t have the strength to tell her boyfriend no if she gets pressured into something. Now, I’m sure my parents would do the same thing, but at some point you just have to trust your daughter, while having her understand that you trust her just not necessarily the situation. Yelling at her and commanding her won’t necessarily work, just a sit down talk might be better.

  18. Hannah July 7, 2015 at 10:48 pm

    Hello, I’m a 17 year old girl as well. ive been dating my boyfriend (18) for almost a year now, and we are very serious. I love him more than anything and I know he’d NEVER hurt me. Yes we have sex, and my mother knows that. I’m only allowed over to his house a few times a week and only for about 3 hours at a time. It’s really upsetting both of us that we can’t spend more time together. I tried asking my mom the other day (knowing what her response would be) if I could stay the night with him. She said absolutely not basically, saying that it would be totally innapropriate. Even though I knew what she was going to say, I was still very upset. She knows we’ve had sex, and I definitely agree that it’s clear, if a teen wants to have sex, they don’t need more than an hour alone to do so. So in my moms case, unfortunately, I believe her main concern is what SHE will look like. She thinks it will make her look like a bad mom. It’s a shame, and I truly wish she would reconsider. I’m not sure how to change her mind. Saying “if we wanted to have sex, it wouldn’t take staying the night” isn’t a very good thing to say if I want to keep seeing him lol. I just truly love him and want to be with him.

  19. Jasmine July 14, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    I am 30 years old and I look after my 14year old sister as our mother has passed away at 16, I’ve been looking after my sister since I was 16 with my boyfriend, and that’s right we slept round each other’s houses (we’d been going out for over a year), we didn’t have sex until I was nearly 18 and I had a baby with the same man when I was 28. I felt very mature at the young age of 16 and I would sneak round my boyfriends house at 15 and stay over then because I knew that if I asked my mum she would say no. I feel as though if my mother had been more open minded I wouldn’t have felt the need to lie to her. She went mad at me when she found out, but I did it over and over again because I felt as though I needed to prove myself that I could be trusted not to mess my life out and get pregnant. Your daughter is 17 and if she is in a healthy relationship I see no reason that she is not aloud, because if u strictly say she is not aloud I garentee u she will do it again and again causing u to loose trust and your relationship to decay.

    1. mominthesprings July 19, 2015 at 5:37 pm


      Sounds like you were a very mature teen and had to grow up quickly unfortunately due to your moms passing. Your daughter is very lucky to have a mom like you with such an open smart mind.
      Thank you for following our blog and hope you continue to post!
      By the way, your mom would be proud of you. I know I am just reading your post.
      Thank you again!

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  21. Jure September 21, 2015 at 11:51 pm

    And what do you want to achieve with this behavior? You say that even if there is no logical reason why something isn’t wrong, it doesn’t mean there is nothing wrong, but do you know that this is the stupidest thing someone can say when they just don’t agree for some selfish reasons? You and your daughter will draw further and further if you will act like this. For now she knows that it is good for her, that she lies about her whereabouts and what she is doing. Next thing is that she will not be comfortable around you (she probably already isn’t). Instead of being on her side and guiding her through life like you are supposed to, you are her enemy that is trying to sculpture her in a person you wanted to be and are not, a person YOU want her to be. Very selfish, wrong and even stupid.

  22. Phoebe September 24, 2015 at 11:20 am

    Hello! My name is Cara and I am 21. Me and my boyfriend (D.) have been together for almost 1 year. We live in different cities and we see each other rarely, only once a week, or even two and this happens mainly when I go to the University (it is in his city). He is 25 years old and he lives with his mother. Distance is really affecting us because we can’t do some things that couples usually do, like go to concerts or go for a walk late in the evening because my last bus is at 8 pm and I have to catch it. I asked my mother & my stepfather to let me stay over his house but they completely disagreed. And this affects my relationship. I also understand my boyfriend, he is frustrated because we can’t do things which all the couples do and there is no way I could convince my parents to trust me. They met him, and they saw he is an intelligent and down-to-earth guy and they don’t have nothing against our relationship. They think that if they let me, I’ll have sex with him or something like this when it truly isn’t the reason why we want to spend the evenings together but on the other hand they don’t mind him spending the nights over our place. We want to go to the cinema & stuff like that. No matter how many times I tried to tell them that I’m already a responsible adult who can take care of herself, my mother still won’t let me spend at least one evening at D’s place. They also said that if I do this, they won’t let me come back home.

    Their attitude is really affecting my relationship so much that I feel like it will end soon. We want to feel like we’re together. I want to wait one more year until I finish my final year at the University, so I can find a job. I want to move out, to have my own place and to be completely independent, being able to enjoy the evenings with my boyfriend. but I’m afraid it will be too late.
    I really need an advice about what should I do. Would it be better if my boyfriend talked to them, in order to convince them that they don’t have to worry about anything at all?

    *i am really sorry for the mistakes, English is not my mother tongue

    1. Lori November 13, 2015 at 1:36 am

      Cara, I am so sad to hear this. You are 21! This is typically and issue when you are like 15! (My 16 years old son has his 15 year old girlfriend sleep over occasionally as distance is a problem and he slept over there a few times as well. I know they a re having sex. I’d rather they didn’t but I’m not stupid! If they want to they will find. Way. That being said I occasionally slip some condoms in his room not as an approval thing but as a responsible thing. Parents, if you think “not my kid” then your in for a rude awakening. first stop worrying what everyone else thinks! Who the hell cares! I like to say what others think of me is none of my concern! It is so freeing, because not everyone will like you or approve no matter what you do. Can’t please everyone. If you try you will surely fail. Focus instead on your kids, and family and closest friends who won’t judge you no matter what. That being said, have you seen a counselor for advice on how to sort this out? That could be a key to how to handle this. Have you asked to have a serious adult sit down with your parents or would they refuse? Is it a “my way or the highway” type of deal? People, get real here! If you want open lines of communication you have to have a happy medium built with a foundation of love trust and respect. I will say that often I state, “I wish they came out of me with an instruction guide!” It is very difficult being a parent, and as one of 2 teen boys I have definitely made
      Mistakes. But if we all learn from them and do even just a little better than before, there is progress. I am so sorry your parents are doing this to you.

      1. Lori November 13, 2015 at 1:39 am

        Also want to add I am very close to my sons as we talk about everything. It is key to keep the lines of communication open. Parents don’t freak out when your kid comes to you to discuss something hard. So many times I have had convos with them and inside I was doing backflips lol but calm in front of them as they were trusting me enough to have major discussions with me.’

  23. Alex September 24, 2015 at 6:27 pm

    Wow. Just wow. Have the parents here not heard of a thing called trust? My daughter and I will tell each other literally anything. ANYTHING. Why? Because I trust her, and she trusts me. She is never afraid to tell me anything. She’s never done anything she isn’t supposed to. I’ve let her sleep over at her boyfriend’s house multiple times, no harm done whatsoever.

  24. trina September 25, 2015 at 3:29 am

    I’m 18 years old and never once have I asked to stay the night at my boyfriends house but I am going to ask my mom if he could stay the night at mine. I understand you are concerned but its better to have a open relationship with your daughter because then she will just go behind your back. I feel like I am old enough now to ask something as big as that and my parents trust me enough because I don’t have sex and I don’t care what anyone says yes I’m 18 and I never had sex. Honestly I’m nervous what my mom will say but at the end of the day I graduated hs and I’m not a little girl anymore. And you’re daughter is 17 soo close to my age. Just think about it, because if you say no right away especially at that age she will just go behind your back.

  25. Rose October 11, 2015 at 9:50 pm

    I really think it’s not a big deal. My daughter has been going out with her boyfriend for nearly 1 year and they are inseparable. They have spent full weeks with each other but have never spent the night. They have stayed at each others place on till late but when my daughter asked if she could stay the night, I did say ‘yes.’ Only if they stayed at our house not his. I truly knew that nothing would happen and she promised me that nothing would happen. I did plan for them to sleep in different rooms but they fell asleep on the couch. Which was fine for me because it was an open space. The next morning they made breakfast and ate. After they went to the beach and his parents picked him up from there. I knew that nothing would happen and I trust my daughter. I think that if you have that faith in each other then anything is possible. I hope this gives you a new perspective on the situation.

    1. Lori November 13, 2015 at 1:42 am

      I think this is awesome! But just an FYI, my open relationship with my son, swore he was not having sex until I found a condom wrapper. Please realize she very well may be having it and not want to appear to let you down.

    2. 2B a parent December 31, 2015 at 3:27 am

      Sorry but I feel you can have a teen be open and honest, but when it comes to that point where you as the parent might say “NO” they will beat around the bush about the questions they ask and give around the question answers too. I am very old fashioned and was raised with a father who actually said to me when I hit puberty was, ” Don’t sleep around when you’re young because those relationships normally never last after high school. Have your special experience with someone you love and trust, but also don’t marry the first person you sleep with either because you may wonder what others would be like.” Coming from a parent being open and honest with me was very meaningful and made me respect him from his knowledge that he knew I may possibly have urges as I got older. But I also had been through sex ed and knew guys and girls get feelings they do not understand and they think but I love this person and they think they are able to handle the cuddling and making out, but there are going to be times where it gets to hard to hold back.
      I don’t think a parent should allow sleep overs because teenagers have hormones that they do not understand themselves. Cuddling may be harmless a few times, but what if he/she started to get aroused and starts to feel he/she wants more then to cuddle? As teenagers age, their hormones get more developed and complex that there needs to be open conversations about these feelings that may come about when each other is cuddle and making out. Many parents don’t like talking to their daughter and sons about these things, but have to and should be discussed on this stuff. Teenagers need to know the truth of what maybe going on with their bodies, not just trusting your teenager to do the right thing if they never were told how to handle situations that may come about from cuddling and making out. FYI, in some states they allow a teenager to get on birth control, get help with STD’s and have abortions without a parent’s consent. Here is a link from one state but it does have similar laws that apply to each state .

  26. Ashleigh October 12, 2015 at 11:11 pm

    Hi, I am a 16 year old girl. I’ve read through all these comments. Some I agree with and some I totally disagree with. I have a boyfriend who is 18 turning 19. My parents aren’t exactly strict but we aren’t very open about relationships. But they love my boyfriend! I sleepover at my boyfriends house all the time and everytime it’s just us watching movies and eating junk food and cuddling. No sex! Imagine that! But the downside is that I’ve never told my parents and never will. I just tell them I’m staying at a friends house. I’ve never fought with them and I want to keep it that way. I know it isn’t right to lie to them and it makes me feel awful. But I just wanted to say BE OPEN WITH YOUR TEEN don’t make them feel like it’s wrong to want to cuddle and fall asleep with their boyfriend. Come on, that’s one of the best things about having a significant other. Just being alone and getting to wake up and spend the day with them. I would gladly give any parents advice on a teens perspective !

    1. Carly November 21, 2015 at 5:11 am

      I believe that you are 100% correct. I am dealing with the exact same thing that you are. Honestly i have never lued to my parents about sonething as big as sleeping over at my boyrfiends house but i’ve thought of it… I am very scared of the result that may vary after i lie… And the trust that will be broken after… I shouldn’t feel like i have to lie to my parents and you are totally correct. If there is no trust between you and your parents then your relationship will crumble….

      1. mominthesprings November 25, 2015 at 1:29 pm

        Your parents should be proud of you Carly!

  27. Dawn October 15, 2015 at 6:31 pm

    This is an old thread but to anyone who stumbles across this:
    I’m 17, 18 in a week. Im in a serious and committed relationship with my boyfriend of 15months. The overall consensus is that at our age we are too young for anything; too young for love and too young for sex but too old to be children and not have jobs. This is a pretty new idea, considering as far back as human history goes it was normal to be wed early.
    I love my boyfriend, completely and utterly. I have a job, I go to school doing my A levels, I want to go to university to study neuroscience. I have had sex with 2 people in my life and no, I don’t regret any of them. The first time I had sex was at my ex-boyfriends house when I spent the day- not slept over.
    You don’t need to be in love to have sex. I think that’s an unhealthy way of teaching safe sex as it can encourage manipulation and teach girls that any boy who tells you he loves you is worthy of sex. Instead you should be teaching your daughters and sons to be confident and proud and self loving before anything else. Sex isn’t bad, though many religions say so. I think sex us less intimate than just kissing or cuddling sometimes. Having sex does not make you any less of a person, and again, parents who think their daughters reputation is less because of it are bad parents.
    My father died when I was 10 years old, and ever since my mother has let me do what I want, as long as she knew where I was, who I was with, and if I was okay. Because life is too short to construct your children on what they can and can’t do, and it limits their ability to learn and experience through their own eyes. Strict parents create sneaky children, and saying no only tells them by telling you the truth is bad. We will lie our way through our lives and you will regret not being more open to your children because once that boundary is gone, be it them going to university or moving out, you will find that more often than not the children who were limited so much in life will leave their parents in the dust once they have a chance to run; and they won’t look back.

  28. Amy October 16, 2015 at 4:52 pm

    I may not be a parent, but I totally understand where you guys are coming from. I’m 17(in a month and a half will be 18) and my boyfriend (whom is currently 19) have sleepovers on a rare occasion (as something special). **PLEASE KEEP IN MIND we’ve been dating for 2 years!!**
    But here’s the thing-
    We ask BOTH of our parents before doing so.
    He and I BOTH agreed we were going to wait until marriage before doing anything sexual beyond kissing/making out.
    And we ALWAYS make sure there is a parent present in the home for extra security and to ease the minds of everyone.
    Really what it comes down to is a parent and child relationship that consists of full mutual trust. Both of our parents know and completely trust that he and I are responsible to make the right decision and not do anything inappropriate or wrong. I’m not going to tell you how to parent, but I’d like to suggest sitting down with your child and discuss why you’re so anxious about them spending the night with their significant other. If you simply tell them “No” and don’t elaborate on your reasons why, they’re are only going to want to do it more, just like they would with anything else you say no to. (It’s something really everyone, including adults at times do.) So try establishing a trusting bond with them and maybe things will get better for the both of you. And hey, maybe you will allow them to spend the night together someday soon, but only with the right conditions.
    Again, I’m only giving my side and opinion. But I truly do see where you’re coming from and understand why you feel this way.

  29. Rachel October 24, 2015 at 11:04 pm

    My daughter is 16 and so is her boyfriend, they have been together for about 8 months and I know they have had sex. My relationship with my daughter is open and honest so I trust her. If she had been a virgin it would be out of the question, but since she is not I am not sure what to do. She has asked multiple times to sleep at his house, or he at our house but I still don’t know. I won’t let them sleep over if they are in the house alone and they will have to sleep in separate beds. But would this be okay even with these conditions? Any tips?

    1. Rachel October 24, 2015 at 11:06 pm

      forgot to mention that 16 is the legal age of consent in Norway

  30. Riz October 27, 2015 at 4:02 pm

    I have a big problem here, my ex-partner and I had 3 kids together 2 girls 19 and 12, and a son who is 15. The two youngest stay with me half the week. My oldest daughter does not stay with me and I see or hear very little of her. The reason for this is mum allows her to have boyfriends and let them stay over for weeks at a time and she allows my daughter to stay at his place for weeks upon time. When I try and communicate with my daughter I get no response via text, calls or facebook. Mum thinks this is ok as she is 19. My concern is also the impact this has on my two youngest children. Will she let them do this when they turn 16 and in my opinion deliberately sabotage the relationship I have with them as I am more stricter. As regards my oldest daughter every time I am making headway with her, and by that I mean I get a reply or she answers her phone they ship her off to another city to her boyfriends. I have met him once and in front of my daughter he was extremely rude. This is not the type of person I want around my daughter. Please help as I don’t know what to do. I come from a family of no nonsense and I wouldn’t hesitate in going and speaking to his parents if I even knew where he stayed.

  31. frank November 2, 2015 at 9:21 pm

    The beginning (aka the frist to years) of a relationship is one of the most powerful, romantic, sentimental, beautiful, part of a relationship. It is the diré “forming” of ut all. And i Truly Believe that its counterproductive and and a bad idea to try and stop this natural process because the only two thing you wil accomplish, is make a small part of her hate you for it, although you might believe se will be thankfull for it one Day, this is unlikely. You wil rob her of some of the most important and precoius memories she “could have had” and also if they end up together for the Long haul, you wil also make conflicts between you and her boyfriend, and her and her boyfriends. Sorry for not being able to explain it better, inglish is not my first language. But she vil just end up feeling like you are stirring up the mud in her soup. Trust me, i’ve been through this with my girlfriend for two years and she ended up with anxiety. Although she fixed thing with her mother and she is stable now, we still have problems in our relationship and she has problems with her mother.

  32. Makayla November 9, 2015 at 12:44 am

    So, I am 16 and my boyfriend is 17. We have been dating for 10 months and my mom will not let us stay home by ourselves, and the other day we were watching. A movie in my room. We were in the bed watching Netflix on my laptop when she came in and freaked out. We haven’t even had sex yet and we have already discussed that we ant to wait and I have communicated with me mom about this. I just don’t understand. I need a mothers perspective!

    1. mominthesprings November 25, 2015 at 1:28 pm


      I comment you for waiting to have sex. I think you need to be brutally honest with your mom and tell her that you understand she wants to protect you BUT too strong of a half can have a reverse effect. Your mom needs to pick her battles with you but, you also have to respect her rules. When I was growing up, my dad had the same rule and I was 18! Honestly, I cant tell you what you want to hear, except be open and honest with her and tell her to trust you. If you wanted to have sex, which you aren’t, you would and not at home. So, it’s not a matter of where its when tell her and right now you are holding off so to trust you. But, as a mom, I can’t judge other moms rules. I always tell my daughter, my house, my rules. If you dont like it, there’s the door. One has to have respect in ones house period.
      I wish you luck. Keep me posted and keep following our blog!

  33. Nicole November 19, 2015 at 5:47 pm

    Personally, I think you are wrong. I understand your point, how you are worried about your daughter and her boyfriend “doing things”. But honestly, what would be worse is if your daughter rebelled like my daughter did. I realized that I was wrong when I said no to boyfriend/girlfriend sleepovers because when she turned 18, a year later, my daughter hooked up with her boyfriend AT SCHOOL and told me to my face that she did it because she was upset with me, how I never gave her any freedom. My experience raising 4 kids, 3 girls and 1 boy, that if you are too strict about these things your kids will rebel later on to get their anger off their chest. Tell your daughter that you trust her and you will allow her to sleep over. This will build your trust with each other, and then she’ll open up to you about her life. And you wont have to run into any of the problems I did.

  34. Open mindedmom November 20, 2015 at 10:52 pm

    My son is 17 and he has been with his gf for two years, she stays over a lot. I know they are having sex, my son admitted he was not a virgin when he was 14. They were together for about 6mths before they were having sex and they hid to do it, when her mom was out of the house and I was asleep. I actually sat down with both of them and talked to them about it and made her talk to her mom about losing her virginity.
    It’s not that I in ANYway enjoy the fact that they are having sex but it is like I’ve explained to them and to others. It’s going to happen, obviously, but as others have said I do not want them doing it in unsafe environments and being unsafe about it. They are both good students, play sports, my son has a job and helps with his Autistic younger brother. They still do the things teenagers are supposed to do. They do not have sex when she stays over, even though I know the minute I leave to work or anywhere else it’s most likely happening, but it’s happening in a safe clean place and they are taking the necessary precautions that they may not take otherwise. She is on bc and he always has condoms, I make sure of that. Her mother makes things very hard on them and is the complete opposite of me in my thinking and she loathes her mother. She talks to me more about everything than she tells her own mother, right down to her drama at school that are normal teenage things. I have been a single mother since day one and my son and I have a great relationship, he tells me everything because he trusts me. He has smoked pot and gotten drunk and I was the one he called to pick him up and take care of him. I know you’re thinking “what kind of mother does that” the kind of mother that has a wonderful relationship with her son and who has a son that is honest with her and turns to her no matter what. He tried these things and I sat down with him and explained all the horrible things that can happen. You can ask anyone who knows him, my son is the one that is always telling others to do the right thing, he is the one that stands up for those who can’t, he is the one that tells his friends “my mom said no” and he follows that.
    If I have to deal with the fact that my son is having sex, as long as I’m not around, I would rather they be safe doing it. I love his gf like a daughter and she is treated like one while she is in my house. She has to clean or do chores as needed and is to make sure she is following whatever her mother has said TO THE LETTER. I will never go against another parents wishes but I can not believe that as well rounded as my son is, that the choices I have made are wrong.

  35. Samantha November 29, 2015 at 11:34 am

    I’m currently 17 and my boyfriend is 18. We’ve been together for 11 months so far and we’re each other’s best friends. We are also sexually active. I don’t have a very close relationship to my parents, I barely talk to them about anything. They do not know that we are sexually active and his parents do not know. But they do trust me and him, I have slept over at my boyfriend’s house. There have been times when we’ve fallen asleep together all night on the living room couch together. But when we plan to have a sleepover, we sleep in seperate rooms due to his parents wishes. My bf and I both agree that, we don’t get why we can’t sleep together when there have been nights that we’ve fallen asleep together on the couch. But when we want to sleepover at each other’s house, it is only because we want to sleep not to have sex. It is very nice to actually be able to sleep next to someone you love, it’s comforting (actually I can’t really describe the feeling, it’s the best feeling ever.) Espically in the morning, when you wake up to your best friend kissing you good morning on the forehead or cheek.
    Some advice for parents, just talk to your kid instead of getting mad and yelling at them. At least that’s what I want from my parents.

    1. Shona December 20, 2015 at 5:27 pm

      Hello, since this is coming from a 17 year old, if you’re open minded you will read my view, if you’re narrow minded it’s guaranteed you didn’t even get to the end of this sentence. Hear me out, from my perspective, being a parent stops being about control when a child reaches about 14, and you’re entitle to disagree but all I’m asking is for you to hear me out, listen. By the time you’re 14, you know right from wrong, remember? So control is out the window, at this point you can’t tell your child no, but you can advise, point them in the right direction by suggesting the options with your reasons to what you would do if you were them. Because that’s what being a parent is about. Guidance, not control. Inspire your child to consider your decision but try not to force it. You’re probably thinking at this point ‘this teenager has no idea how to be a parent.’ You’re right, I’m not telling you how to parent your kids, but as a teenager I know what gets a parent respect, and it works both ways, you’ll find that we respect you with honesty and tend to do what you want if you actually give us the opportunity to make the right decision. At the end of the day, you can’t force a teenager to do anything, we have our own minds. Look, I don’t know about other countries, but here in the UK it is legal for a 16 year old to have sex. You’ll find even if the 16 year old is mature, they won’t have sex until they’re ready anyway because of insecurities etc. But if you’re teenager asks to sleep round her boyfriends, you should really be proud that she hasn’t done it behind your back, it takes guts to ask that question and if she’s ready why would you want to say no? If you really don’t want her to, talk to her, ask questions, like ‘are you sure because he could lead on to something, are you aware? And are you comfortable?’ …. And you’re going to hate to hear this but you don’t get to decide ‘no’. Another thing you have to realise is: sleeping over at her boyfriends doesn’t mean she’s asked permission to have sex with him. Spending the night doesn’t automatically mean sex. Spending the night with your boyfriend means cuddling until you fall asleep and eating breakfast together with bed hair and pyjamas haha, honestly, us teenagers, were not stupid. We can make decisions for ourselves and we will come to our parents for guidance if needed but other than that we just need to know we’re supported and loved. Wouldn’t you rather your daughter sleep over her boyfriends and be comfortable with telling you where she is so you know she’s safe? Wouldn’t you rather that if she does have sex it’s in a safe home? I will agree with parents on this – teenagers are rebellious, but only if you give us a reason to rebel. Secondly, you need to know this – if your daughter wants sex with her boyfriend, she will find a way. Trying to have control over her sex life is wrong. If I haven’t discussed why I feel it’s wrong enough, feel free to contact me as this subject really interests me so I’d love to hear your enquires. My email is:

    2. Robbie April 18, 2016 at 6:09 am

      It’s good to get a fresh way of looknig at it.

  36. herquilarh December 8, 2015 at 5:57 am

    Personally,i do not think your childs’ sleeping over at his/her boyfriends house is the major issue here. Sure,you are entitled to your feelings about allowing them sleepover,but what i think is most important is the type of relationship you have with your child. If you maintain good communication channels with your child then you shouldn’t have to worry about whether he/she is sleeping at someone else’s house or not. Indeed if you and your child are on the same page,you should know the boyfriend/girlfriend to a certain extent and also know what they are capable of. I also think when restricting your teenagers from sleeping over at their boyfriend/girlfriend’s house,you should evaluate your reason for doing so. Is it because you do not trust your teenager or because you are worried about how people would look at you as a mother. I believe this would help you to make your teenagers better understand your decision to restrict them. Hope this helps.

  37. Vala December 9, 2015 at 5:36 am

    Hello, I’m 18 and I’ve been in a relationship since 15 with the same boy, 3 years older than me. When we became ufficially a couple, I believed I had to at least tell my mother. Since I did not know how she would react, as I do not have a ‘open’ relationship with her, I tried to give her a sort of hint, like ‘Mom, what would you do if I liked someone?’. Her reaction was really something: it kind of shut me in my shell. She literally forbid me to like someone, because I was too young, and my father said I had to wait at least 18. ( now that I’m actually 18 he ‘upgraded’ it: from 18 to 22) I am also forbid to sleep over at a GIRLFRIEND’s, because it would be ‘inappropriate’. They know my girfriends very well and for years. So, when I lost my virginity (around 15 months later) it was because I wanted to, my boyfriend was confortable waiting even more, as we loved being simply together. I never told my parents I have a boyfriend, nor the fact we had sex. We always have safe and protected sex, as I’m on the pill and we always use condoms. My curfew is and always has been 10 o’clock, even in Summer. If I was going out with a big group, the female ratio had to be bigger than the male’s. I am forbidden to hang out with a male friend. But I simply dont listen anymore. I believe it’s absurd to listen to all these ‘You are forbidden to’ as they limits my freedom and my own development. I get hurt whenever I ask my parents why I can’t do everything, and they simply say because you can’t or a no is no, period. So tell me, you would prefer a sneaky kid, because that’s what I have become, or someone you can trust and know that she can trust you? I Aldo believe that we teens don’t need to wait nightfall to have sex.

  38. REDACTED December 16, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    I have just had a similar situation like this happen. I am 18 and a full time student, and my girlfriend is 20. We were having a Star Wars marathon since I am taking her to see The Force Awakens on opening day. Anyway I told my mother I would be at her house. My mother immediately flipped out. I had a 20 min conversation with her about how I wouldn’t be having sex, and that If I had wanted to, I would’ve already. She finally said alright and I went on my way. Next day I get a call from my mother and it’s her yelling at me for staying at my girlfriend’s house and how it’s just wrong, without giving me an explanation. I kept asking her why she was mad, because literally we all we did was lay on the couch and watch all six movies, but my mother just kept at it saying that it is wrong, and that she never stayed at my father’s house when they were dating. Can someone please explain to me why it was “wrong” or is my mother just being a controlling b****? Also, my father emailed my mother saying that he was 100% behind my mother’s decision, so I’m assuming that both of them don’t trust me, even though I’ve never given them any reason not to.

  39. Hey December 18, 2015 at 2:20 am

    In my experience as a teenager, some of us don’t have that open communication with their parents. And seeing the majority of the comments from parents are “Scream at them, ground them, embarrass them, ect.”, I can tell that your kids are probably lying/not telling you things because they are scared to not because they don’t want to. Believe me, while I love my mother to death, the way she deals with things isn’t the best and she can do all of those things with me because “I’m the mother and you’re the daughter so I don’t have to respect you.”
    That’s the thing most parent/teenager relationships are missing, respect. And it usually isn’t from the teenager’s side, but because they don’t tell parents things that they aren’t comfortable talking about, they get in trouble and disrespected. Believe me, there are so many things I wish I could discuss with my mother (like going on birth control, having sex, ect.) but because I’m terrified of what her reaction will me, I can’t tell her any of that. While my situation with my boyfriend is different, where he is a state away for college she lets me go up to his campus and stay there but we aren’t aloud to have sleepovers at home. And why? Because she’s the parent. But that doesn’t make much sense to me because I’m not going to do anything with him in my own house. The most we are going to do is probably make out or cuddle because that’s usually what we do. We play video games, we eat junk food, we watch Parenthood, we play with my dog, we talk, we cuddle, maybe make out (usually we just kiss a bunch) and that’s it. It’s like a “normal” sleepover with the same sex only with more kissing. It’s just a nice feeling to wake up next to the one you love and be able to make breakfast together, or be able to brush your teeth together. I mean, if you guys are so against it, look at it this way back in the old days married couples used to have separate beds. Don’t you think they would be disgusted knowing that married couples now are sleeping in the same bed?
    Just my two cents.
    So please if you are a parent, make it more open communication instead of just screaming and making your child feel like they can’t talk to you. My best friend has a mother that she can talk to about anything and honestly I envy that so much, while she may get in trouble for somethings, her mom lets her talk and assesses the situation and makes no judgement. Your children should feel safe talking to you not scared.

  40. Lucy December 19, 2015 at 9:59 pm

    I’m 18 and my boyfriend is 19, we’ve been going out for just over 6 months. We are sexually active and as he is my first boyfriend, I also lost my virginity to him. He is my best friend and I love him so much. His parents are quite a lot older than mine and have very traditional/religious views and do not allow for us to spend the night together. Even to the point that his dad forbid him to go on holiday together on the morning we were supposed to leave, until they finally agreed to let us go if my mum also came. His only reason was that “it’s not right for two 18 hear olds to go away together”. My parents are completely fine with us being together and take us away on holiday so that we can spend time together. I would just like to say that not sleeping overnight together, has absolutely no effect on whether or not teen couples will have sex or not, we have safe sex multiple times a week in the house when our parents are out, because we love eachother and want to feel intimate and connected, not for any other suspicious reason. But most importantly every night I miss lying in my boyfriend’s arms and feeling so safe and content, I am never happier than when I am snuggled up to him all night. But not knowing when we might get to do this next, puts a real stress on the relationship, when sometimes all we need is some alone time when there isn’t a deadline looming of when one of us has to leave. If you trust your sons/daughters, then what is wrong with them being intimate and happy with someone they love? They’ll more than likely find a way of doing this anyway, so isn’t it better to promote honesty rather than lying and sneaking around?

    Allowing them to learn about loving someone and being able to fully understand a person through both sexual and non-sexual intimacy, is better than promoting a culture of lying and deceit, if you’ve brought them up correctly you should be able to trust them.

  41. ian December 23, 2015 at 1:22 am

    The answer to this topic is simple boys and girls. No matter what you believe it is the right of the parent to make the decision. The reasons for the decision are theirs and theirs alone. Whether it be moral, personal, or blindly driven. It is their home and the rules are theirs to set. Not everything is debatable. The problem is parents are made to feel or expected to be obligated to every desire or want in today’s society. Parents are not. It is a parents choice and the fact that this debate exists only displays the lack of respect many children have for their parents. If you were told no…then respect that. If you said no…then stand your ground. The topic is only a topic because these children don’t have the ability to support themselves. When they do then they will control the decision.

    1. Cash April 18, 2016 at 5:57 am

      AFAICT you’ve coreevd all the bases with this answer!

  42. Monica December 26, 2015 at 5:02 am

    I under stand how some parents can be strict. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months but he’s known my family since June of 2014. I recently turned 18 but he’s still 17. My mother doesn’t mind me spending the night places, but I don’t have friends so I don’t go out much. My mom has let me stay the night at my exs house about 4 times. She admits she was hesitant at first but later said she trusted me. She’s met with his parents and they love(d) me. They always invited me over to stay the night. My ex and I were never seriously sexually active. Nothing more than heavy making out. He was very respectful and didn’t push me to do anything I didn’t want. Now that I have a new boyfriend, I try to understand why some parents are strict but I can’t quite wrap my head around it. I do understand that we’re all raised differently, but my current boyfriends parents are just something else. I’ve tried to have them over for a serious talk but they always have some excuse not to come. My boyfriends mother thinks more than twice a month is way too often to be seeing each other. She says she trusts him but I don’t think she trusts me. His father actually encourages him to see me since we’re in a serious relationship. His mother actually thinks he should spend more time with his friends than me. (Keep in mind we haven’t attended the same school in a year) I would consider myself to be mature. I agree with some of the other teens on here. When my bf comes over we nap/lay together. It’s nothing sexual, we just enjoy each others company. It’s a good feeling to know that you’re in the arms of the one you adore. You feel secure. He’s my best friend and it honestly drives me crazy when his mother restricts is from seeing each other. Do you think my moms wrong for letting me sleepover at a bfs (at the time)house? Am I just being a brat for wanting my boyfriend around more?

  43. Beb December 28, 2015 at 4:04 pm

    Well no wonder there is always relationship problems or self mental problems these days when children gets older and reach their 20’s or 30’s or 40’s. Its about learning how to have a self-respect and set a healthy self-boundaries on loving ourselves first. Temptation when sleep over will always be there. Human nature always has its own curiousity, and the more human feel repressed the more the desire keeps get increased. The fruit is a very sacred and special place, let the boys understand that they need to work hard first and let the girls understand their time is very special and please do not become too easy to sleep over. Commitment and Trust is a very hard work, not all butterflies. Its not all about sex, pregnancy or protected sex. Just love ourselves first and let things evolved naturally.

  44. Zach December 31, 2015 at 4:02 am

    Hello, I’m Zachary I am 17 I see a lot of parents fighting over this subject. I to am having this struggle with my mom. She lets me and my girlfriend to sleep over. I am 17 she is 18. However though we can stay in the same house we must be in different rooms. I have to say a lot of people shoot straight to “the are gonna have sex!” That’s not always true. I love my girl friend but I do not want to have sex with her. There are both good guys and then bad guys. If your daughter is dating a man who puts her welling being and happiness over sexual gain, like my self. Then I think (from a teens perspective) that it would be okay. Just notify the parents that they must be separated at night. Warn your daughter if she and him are caught alone at night then it there will be no more going over. You can also do this at your own house. Remember we really just want to be with the people we love. And some times we get hormanal about it. Just push through we will understand soon enough. But for a easier path give her some leway. See what happeneds, trust is key. I would hate it if my mom did not trust me enough to be with her. But I’ve earn that respect and trust. If the boy just wants to have sex, or is known from going girl to girl. Then no I would not trust them being alone at night. But really, lets be honest male teens don’t last long during sex so they honestly could have intercourse at any given moment you sent looking. So its best to just trust but with a firm grip and a plan ready.

    I hope this helped any parents!

  45. Ani December 31, 2015 at 3:55 pm

    I read the comments and the parents on here acted like such teenagers that it’s no wonder teens these days feel in control. Children feel as if they’re raising themselves because parents don’t know right from wrong themselves. The different view points, religions, political ideology, etc shown in these comments are the things kids listen to every day and don’t know who to agree with. This then leaves them to decide what they want to do and believe in their own. This is not necessarily a bad thing; however, if parents want to call each other stupid for not doing things the same way, it’s your fault. You parents are causing the problem that your CHILDREN are trying to fix by themselves. Be there for your kids, let them choose their own paths, lead them to the right path, but don’t control their lives. Especially when you have yet to even find control over your own. Control is an illusion. You’re still learning how to be a parent, yeah well they’re still learning how to be a person. Show respect for humanity people and stop the nonsensical arguments. To the lady who originally asked this question: do what you want, not what other people say. She is your child to raise. If she wants to have sex, she will without the sleepover, but if it makes you unconfortable, that is okay. You are her mother and you care, there is never a problem with that.

  46. Sandy January 1, 2016 at 1:02 am

    I have a sixteen year old daughter with an 18 year old boyfriend. I know they are sexually active and she is on birth control. I don’t approve of this, but I know that it will happen somehow regardless of my wishes and my daughter needs to be protected.

    However, I would still never give my permission for her to sleep over at her boyfriend’s house or vice versa. I don’t feel it’s necessary for teens to “play house” and too many parents are giving in, thinking it’s harmless. I know this, as my daughter rattled off all the names of her friends who are doing this. Times really have changed.

    Like a lot of teens, my daughter goes between displaying mature behavior to childlike responses. Most teens are not emotionally ready for a serious relationship, and I don’t feel there is any need for parents to promote it. I don’t believe in sleepovers in general actually, there is nothing wrong with insisting that your child sleep in their own bed in their own home at night. I say, stand your ground.

  47. Um.. January 5, 2016 at 2:05 am

    I don’t understand, I really don’t. So you do realize that teens aren’t out having sex 24/7 and if they are there is a problem. Also letting them “play house” isn’t a bad thing because honestly it lets them know if they truly love the person they are with. And while I didn’t have any serious relationships in highschool, I’m 18 and am in a serious relationship where I see a future with my boyfriend. Most of the time, especially older teens, aren’t dating just to date and have sex. It’s either to gadge an understanding of what they like and dislike in a person or they want a future with that person. There are adults out in the world that go around MARRYING people, having sex, having children, divorcing them only to do it again and again to different people. Adults can be just as childish and honestly if you don’t trust your child’s judgement then why let her do anything? Respect your child. It’s her body, her life, she is a person not a thing to control and I think that’s what a lot of parents forget. You can’t judge your child because that makes them not want to talk to you about anything and that’s when bad things happen.

  48. theteenguywhoisunbiased January 8, 2016 at 11:08 pm

    Hey let me tell you something coming from a 17 year old boys persepective, i love my grilfriend more than anything else in the world, weve been together for 2 and 1/3 months. In that time I cnn honestly say ive experienced some of the best moments. No we havent done it because thats not the automatic first thing to a guys mind, honestly your daughter needs room to space out about now, if when shes 18 and you start saying shes an adult whos free to make her own choices about everything all of a sudden, she will go over the top most likely much like my friends, im the kind of guy who is what kids tell their parents they are to put it bluntly, my girlfriend has stayed at mine once and sure we kissed and cuddled but we didnt go beyond that, ive stayed at hers once and the same again, same bed and everything, its not like the stereotype of a sex pest applies to every teenage male, we’ve had free house days before where instead of ‘siezing the moment’ which my friends may think im just scared for, im more than happy just being around her and watching films that i really dont pay much attention to hehe, so long as im with her i dont care. If my parents tried to stop her staying i would be angry, when you care for someone so much and someone tries to stand between that, youre bound to be angry, it is a thing that most parents allow it now because they trust their children. The only reason everyone agrees with you on this blog is because theyre all insecure about how to raise their kids by setting unrealistic boundaries for their children by following the example of other parents on a blog site because they plain and simple do not trust their children. You know its true, youre on here because youre unsure, i get that except dont follow these examples because others agree with you, you should be able to trust your daughter to be responsible about it which im sure she will be 🙂 good luck with it all 😛 also to you other mums who are in fuming outrage and bringing religion into it, shush dont be so angry, the resentment is in how you were brought up because you wish you could have done it. Deep down and i mean very deep. I think this post will set the internet on fire, goodnight

  49. Marlin January 10, 2016 at 10:13 am

    Im living this now, I think it’s not right but I have a teen that I did not raise and Im trying to keep him away from worse situations. So im torn. I allowed it this one time after having a big argument. He said he needed something just for him .This teen has had a rough few years he never knew his birth mother and his adopted mother passed away 2 years ago and none of her family really wants to deal with him , someone got him hooked on weed after the adopted mom passed as a result of this he was given some weed laced with flaka a bathsalt. He spent a month in the hospital. So after all that he’s now 15 and has a girlfriend who’s a bright spot in his life. And he wants her to spend the night. I’m opposed to it but my overall goal is to help him become a well adjusted young adult and not drift back into a street life. So if an overnite stay from his girlfriend will help im all for it.

  50. Merissa January 12, 2016 at 3:01 am

    I believe my parents both know what you are all going through… I am 18 almost 19 and my boyfriend and I have been dating a full year I asked my mother if we could sleep in the same bed she was alright with it. Until my father said no. Now, I never slept with ANYONE in my life & I understand they are protecting me. But please I will be 19 next month. I am an adult my boyfriend and I just don’t want sex we want too sleep in the same bed together I understand that is tempting but come on! we can’t stay innocent forever in that way… Sex is going to happen whether you parents like it or not. You were kids once too! please we mean you no disrespect. We have respect, for all of you parents but we are not finding this fair take it from a girl who got called a WHORE from her father and SCREAMED at her for wanting her boyfriend that she BARLEY see’s because of work he is coming for 2 weeks.. My dad is mostly upset about it. But can a father come out and tell me… Why is it okay for his son too sleep with girls at the house when the daughter can’t? like that is not FAIR. My brother was 17 when he started bringing girls home and having his way with them. Now all the sudden I am not allowed to sleep with my boyfriend HOW IS THIS FAIR?! I don’t find this fair not one bit!!!

  51. Erica January 21, 2016 at 8:33 pm

    I’m 17 almost 18 and I just want to hang out with my best friend . Yes he is a guy . I don’t want to stay the night yet . I just want to be able to hang out with him at his house . Even if it’s only for a couple of hours . I don’t think it’s fair that we have to hang out at my house every time . Mainly because sometimes I just need time to relax and I can’t do that at home . How can I talk to my parents about this .

  52. Lmao January 28, 2016 at 7:55 am

    Lmao all you parents think that teens couples are having sleepovers just for sex. Smh

    1. Delaney Logan March 1, 2016 at 5:35 pm

      Omg they do all the time and it gets on everyone’s nerves

      1. Emily April 17, 2016 at 7:29 pm

        Thought it wonldu’t to give it a shot. I was right.

    2. Amy March 24, 2016 at 2:55 pm

      Totally agree with you!

  53. Isaac February 16, 2016 at 9:38 am

    Hi my name is Isaac, I just turned 22, my girlfriend lives about an hour away because of school. I get one day off during the week and I get Sunday off. I’ve spent the night at her doorum many times since we started seeing each other (Been dating for about over a month). Might I say the only time we have ever been active sexually has been one time right before I had to leave towards home. And since then we have decided to wait till marriage for our sexual activities. I’ve spent nights at her place since then and haven’t even taken off any close. Yes its hard to wait especially when you feel that the person youre looking right in the eye is the one. However we have been able to not go past our boundries we have set together. we do understand that there is a special devine Blessing over couples who are married rather than couples having sex outside of marriage. But of course I want to know how else God can Bless our relationship, and if spending the night at her place even though we dont have sex is dishonorable in the eyes of God.

  54. Crishton February 23, 2016 at 10:05 pm

    Let her go over you are being over protective

  55. Meredith February 28, 2016 at 3:15 pm

    The way I see it is my boyfriend and I could have sex any time we wanted. When we want to sleep over its because we literally just want to sleep over. Usually when my boyfriend sleeps over we don’t even have sex because everyone is around. I get the concern, but if your daughter and her boyfriend want to have sex, they’re going to, and it doesn’t matter if she sleeps over at his house or not lmao

    1. nick April 20, 2016 at 5:32 am

      I think I just found my soul mate

      Thanks for finally saying it

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  57. Markie February 29, 2016 at 11:25 pm

    I am a fellow mother that is lds. I believe that sleepovers are okay as long as you have taught your daughter her values.

  58. Caitlin March 3, 2016 at 1:42 am

    I just turned 21, so I’m speaking from a young adult’s perspective.
    I don’t know you or your daughter, so I can only give a perspective from my personality. If she’s having sex, she’s having sex. Spending the night or not, they will find a way to do it if they want it. What kind of consequences are you trying to prevent by forbidding sleepovers? Anyway, I think the most important thing is to really actually talk to her about what her intentions are, and to assure her that whatever she tells you, you still love her and will guide her to the best of your ability. If you flat out say no, without giving a legitimate reason, it may just make her feel the need to become secretive and start hiding things from you. If she is having sex, make sure she’s doing it safely. While you explained to her that just because something doesn’t seem inappropriate or wrong doesn’t mean it isn’t, I feel like that could easily be reversed. Just because your perspective is that it’s inappropriate (without a logical reason), doesn’t mean it is. It’s all about perspective. Your daughter may have a very different one than you do, and I think it’s important that you discuss it with each other and find common ground.
    Anyway, ultimately it’s your decision and I wish you the best of luck. I just ask that you keep an open mind, and really question why you feel the way you do. Does it make sense? Is it just how you were raised? Is it a social construct? Just ponder it. May you and your family stay happy.xx

    1. Debbie March 16, 2016 at 10:58 am

      Thank you, this makes a lot of sense. I am going through this with my 17 year old daughter.

  59. Christian March 7, 2016 at 11:53 am

    If she really was going over for sex she’d find a way to do it. Sleeping over helps teen couples bond and share moments together that will strengthen those bonds.

  60. Keely March 7, 2016 at 9:02 pm

    I feel as though this is 100% reasonable, and that you’re not being over protective, but loosening up a little bit is also reasonable. I’m a 15 year old, I know fully well the worries that you parents have, but my mom got around her worrying by inviting my boyfriend over to stay the night so she could get to know him better as well. Once she was comfortable with him, she let me continue to have sleepovers at his house. I’ve never actually done anything anyway. I just change into his overly large clothes, eat all his snacks, and watch Harry Potter. That’s basically what happens everytime. So I feel as though there’s no need to worry if you have trust with your child.

  61. Combine Agent March 16, 2016 at 1:15 pm

    It’s your daughter’s body, ultimately, even if she’s 13 and chooses to have sex with a guy her age (or 2 or 3 older), it’s ultimately HER choice. As a parent, just be there for her, just don’t shame or stigmatize her for having sex, let her know you still love her and trust her, and that she can tell you anything.

    That is key to a true family bond and relationship, not controlling behavior, which is unhealthy.

    1. ian March 16, 2016 at 11:28 pm

      Yes great point! It’s her body and choice. My daughter wanted to do heroin. The same point applies so I let her. In fact I just stopped parenting and teaching all together. Kids don’t really need to be protected. Pretty much the Internet and their friends are all the influence they need…with the obvious exception that they need you to pay the cell bills, buy clothes, feed, house, provide medical care, transport, wash laundry, clean, etc. Other than that they’re adults.

      1. Lala March 25, 2016 at 4:42 pm

        Love your humor and your reply! You’re the only one on here that seems to be over the age of 16 and truly understands parenting!

      2. Jan March 25, 2016 at 4:59 pm

        Oh Ian, you made my day!

      3. Combine Agent April 4, 2016 at 9:41 am

        Hm, so your knee jerk reaction is to MOCK others defending sex? No surprise from bigots like you. All Americunts like you do is to treat sex like a social ill, when in reality it’s nothing more than a medical issue. While I could go on and on about how sex is clearly safe, and NOT in the same ballpark as drugs, let me address how YOUR shaming and stigmatizing teens is the best you can do. My intelligence exceeds yours, at the very least. I know sex is a medical issue at worst, not a social ill.

        No, financially supporting someone does not entitle you to have control over their lives. If it were the other way around where YOU as an elderly person were dependent on their grown kids financially, and if THEY decided to control YOUR sorry life and used the SAME lame cop-outs, you’d whine and bitch about it, too.

        Moreover, douchebags like you were never about loving kids, you were all about having control over them. I don’t care why, but douchebags like you are the true problems with society, not anyone having sex for that matter. If there is justice in this shitty world, YOU would be born as a woman in a society where women were the property of their fathers and husbands, so you’d know what having your life being controlled feels like.

        1. spencer April 6, 2016 at 4:28 pm

          I actually agree with him here. I don’t need to sleep over at a girls house to have sex with her. I wouldn’t even because her parents would be home. Parents nowadays don’t understand that they’re being over controlling and emotionally messing with their kids. I had extremely controlling parents and they have definitely impacted my relationships with them and others. I used to have an attention problem because the only attention my parents gave me was to ridicule me, never to compliment or just talk. I am over protective of my privacy which also has ruined a few relationships. The worst part was when they punished me they took all methods of communication and games away so I was unable to talk to anyone about how I was feeling so I felt alone. They did this so often that they had my things more than I did. Obviously you’re going to do what you want with your child but please don’t be overbearing and let them have some say in their life.

          1. Combine Agent May 5, 2016 at 2:39 pm

            Who are you agreeing with, exactly?

      4. Keno April 14, 2016 at 7:13 pm

        Lol because sex is harmful. Just teach your kids about protection and how important it is. Tell them about consent and how important it is. If you’ve done that there’s no need to worry (or your kids don’t take what you tell them seriously and that means you’ve failed at parenting years ago already). My parents are fine with me having sex. I’m sixteen, there’s no harm from having sex. It’s a fun activity and also just another way of bonding with my girlfriend.

        If my parents didn’t let me have sex – I’d still do it after a while. They would have to go as far as not allowing me to see my girlfriend in order to stop me from it. And if they’d go that far, I would leave home and be a complete asshole to them because they’d deserve it. Luckily, my parents are caring, loving and understanding. They don’t blame me for having sex, they just taught me what’s important to know about it. The most important thing is:

        If my parents didn’t allow me to have sex, meaning they don’t respect me as someone who can makes his own decisions, I wouldn’t respect them. Now I can imagine that teens who don’t respect their parents don’t care about what they tell them about safer sex and stuff like this.

        Not allowing your girl to have sex is probably more likely to get her pregnant.

        1. Combine Agent May 5, 2016 at 2:43 pm

          I agree with everything you say. But even if you’re 12 or 13, really, it’s your choice to have sex, or even spend the night at a girl’s house. As long as you’re wearing condoms, and she’s on the pill.

          Too bad Americans stigmatize and shame youth, and by extention, themselves. They should have been progressive and open minded since the 70’s, and if they’re STILL taking this long to normalize sex, it’s really a bad thing.

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  63. Jake March 21, 2016 at 11:31 pm

    Hey there, I’m 17 and I have slept over at my gfs house 3 times and there have been no problems. As long as you set clear boundaries and punishments for things you told them not to do then it should be okay.

    1. Combine Agent April 4, 2016 at 9:46 am

      Mate, even if you guys DID have sex, it’s YOUR choice. Not the Government’s, not Society’s, and certainly not your parents’. Look at bigots like Ian and Jan. All they can ever do is resort to mockery and ridicule, as a knee jerk reaction. THEY think they are intelligent? No, they are not. If they did that in the first place, then, obviously, they never had any intelligence in the first place.

      Lala claims Ian is 16? If so, that latter obviously is not only a traitor to his peers, but a self loathing dumbass. It’s one thing to objectively state the risks of any activity, and it’s another to shame and stigmatize any class of citizens.

      1. Red April 9, 2016 at 3:40 am

        Dear Combine Agent,
        You seem to be the most logical person to ask for some advise. My daughter is 12 years old and was invited to her best friends birthday party. I was told by the parents for this child that they will play laser tag and then they are going too a hotel for a sleep over. There will be the birthday girl, my daughter and two other girls. Seems fine with me. Well ends up that the parents of this birthday girl allowed a 12 boy sleep over too. Also that these kids had there own room with no supervision. I found out at 12:30 am by texting my daughter. I am so mad! What should I do. Please answer very soon have to deal with it tomorrow.

        1. Combine Agent May 5, 2016 at 3:24 pm

          My apologies for a late reply. First off, please do not get angry at your daughter, even if they did have sex. If you got mad, it WILL cause a strain on your relationship. Do you want her to feel like she can’t trust you? Furthermore, do NOT punish her or ground her. After all, she did not harm anyone else. Try to understand things from her point of view. She is technically a young adult (an adolescent’s body is basically an adult’s, albeit in a physically growing stage), who wishes to have fun and make her own decisions.

          If you did punish her, it WILL cause psychological problems. She WILL later on have a hard time trying to form healthy sexual relationships as a young adult, due to her mind constantly associating her sexual experience with an unjust, horrible punishment. If we look at countries where pre-marital sex is banned, unjust, horrible punishments were administered against otherwise harmless people, and a lot of suffering and injustice was prevalent. Such countries are very backward in mentality, and we don’t need that.

          Sex IS a natural thing, a wonderful and pleasant experience. Furthermore, we already have things like condoms, birth control pills, and abortions. If we look at the Dutch, they at the very least do NOT shame or stigmatize teen sex; they treat it like a normal thing. Also, many health magazines do state the benefits of having sex, if it comforts you.

          So yes, just get her on any relevant birth control pill, tell her that she has to be careful and mindful (but not paranoid) of guys, and that she can tell you anything without fear of punishments.

          To use myself as a model, at 13, I was not allowed computer access whenever I wanted too, and at 14, I was not allowed to hang out with my best friend whenever I wanted to … it made me angry, unhappy, bitter, rude, and resentful of my parents. I rebelled instead, argued, and threw fits. I was also too angry to even be kind or considerate of others, due to their controlling my freedom.

          Basically, it hurt the relationship I had with my parents. Ironically, when they no longer restricted my personal freedoms at 16, I started to grow and develop mentally instead. I even did reasonably well in school, and at the very least, I was more responsible for myself, and more considerate of others. My best friend on the other hand had a rather liberal mom his entire life, and his mental capabilities, his responsibility, his street smarts, and his way of dealing with people, to name a few, obviously FAR surpassed mine; mine which was the product of being restricted for too long.

          I assure you, not restricting your kids’ freedoms is a good thing. Just educate them about the inherent risk of any activities, and let them be. Have faith in them, treat them like human beings. It’s better your daughter has exposure, experience, and fun now, so as a young adult, she will be more calm and well adjusted, having been used to such exposures.

  64. Amy March 24, 2016 at 2:53 pm

    Not every teenage relationship is based around sex but I agree some are. You should try having a open relationship with your daughter and speak to her about it all and if she admits to being sexually active if she is help her with birth control. If you go all guns blazing telling her what she can and can’t do she’s never ever going to trust you and tell you where she is because she knows you will go mad that’s why she feels the need to lie if you speak to each other sleeping at her boyfriends should be a trusted thing.

  65. Kim March 28, 2016 at 4:43 am

    Exactly what I am going through with my (just turned) 17year old. Been staying at boyfriends last 3 weekends and telling lies about it. I appreciate 17 year olds are considered adult in most ways but there should be less focus on a number and more emphasis on maturity. My daughter is emotionally and mentally immature. She demonstrates this by showing an inability to take responsibility for mistakes she makes and being defensive . I have not based this opinion on this one incident but 4 years of watching her get into trouble at school. This is why there are different opinions on whether certain things are ok, people have different levels if maturity. My daughter , in my experience, would struggle to cope with an unwanted pregnancy. If she and her boyfriend split, she is still at school, I know she would find it difficult to see him around after sharing this experience. I know this because I know her. Therefore I have made the decision that she shouldn’t sleep over. Not until it’s a longer term relationship and she is taking proper control of contraception . She doesn’t agree and it is causing issues. Her dad, who lives 25 miles away, agrees with me. He can’t stand the idea of her being sexually active. I kind of feel that it’s already done but the main issues are the lies and lack of responsibility. I’m not sure how to move this forward. When I try to confront her about the lies she becomes even more determined not to admit them and attacks me verbally. I worry this will result in her leaving home before she is ready to.

  66. John March 28, 2016 at 12:12 pm

    I think several people are missing the point here . First of all your daughter lied to you in order to do something she knew you would not agree to . This is the first problem . Second she is 17 years old that is still not of legal age . When she turns 18, she can make her own decisions, but she will still have to abide by some rules while living in your house especially if you are paying the bills . And third, several of your comments help me to understand where all the parenting has gone . I’m a teacher and I see a great lack of discipline and respect for authority and this lack of discipline and knowledge begin in the home. Your request to have your daughter at home first of all by curfew , To tell the truth and to forbid her from sleeping at her boyfriends house is very reasonable. She is allowed to visit him . Just like any other teenager she should learn to be home on time. Whether others agree morally or not is not even the issue here . Please parent your child and teach her to respect you and to respect her elders .

  67. scottland March 28, 2016 at 2:18 pm

    hi well I’m a 16 year old girl who is sexual active and i have never spent the night with my boyfriend no matter what if we wanna have sex we are going to its just part of life but I’m not the slutty 16 year old girl your probably thinking of i am a christian 16 year old girl who has been with a boy for over several years and i am very mature for my age and i don’t want any comment on ur 16 ur not mature well hate to break it to you but i am i have had a lot happen to me in my life time so with that being said i had to grow up to survive basically, but besides that if you think she is mature enough then yes let her if not then don’t she needs to earn your trust in order to have a privilege like that and some of ya’ll’s comments are outrageous but its they way you see it and i respect your views so please respect mine. thank you.

  68. teenager March 30, 2016 at 5:31 am

    I’m 16 years old and I have been with my (first) boyfriend for 3 months. We want to have a sleepover and I recently brought this up with my mum. She asked for me to give her time to think about it and I respected that. my boyfriend and I are not sexually active, however we are still intimate. We’ve never had a sleepover before so my point is, we have found ways to express our love through actions elsewhere. Kids have hormones and no parent can ever come between the fact that their teenager is going to be introduced to new practices when the time is right. To be completely honest, sex is not the only thing on a teenage girl’s mind. when she pictures a sleepover with her boyfriend, she wants to cuddle him and wake up to him in the morning and make breakfast together. It’s the cherished time spent with her s/o that she craves! Relax a little and trust her. She knows what she wants and she will do it. She has formed opinions of her own and you can’t control that anymore.

  69. Lizzie March 31, 2016 at 4:17 am

    As a 17 year old girl I’m going to say that on the times she’s been ‘visiting him’ they’ve probably had sex.
    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months and we started having sex after 2 months and I can honestly say we’ve had more sex than I can remember and my parents don’t know a thing. His mums really cool about it as long as we’re quiet so I spend more time at his. By letting her stay the night it’s showing that you respect that she may want to have sex and that you are willing to let her find a safe place to do this. Talk to her it might turn out that she doesn’t want sex yet. The biggest issue here is that she lied to you so for that I do believe she requires some sort of punishment such as not seeing her boyfriend for a week or 2 just so she realises that she still needs your permission for things

  70. Andrea April 2, 2016 at 9:03 am

    Hi, I am a 17 year old female and I have slept over my boyfriends house about 4-5 times. My situation is a lot different than those prior to mine due to the fact that my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and he’s also 2 years older than I am. I’m extremely mature for my age, in fact, a lot of people who have conversations with me think I’m around 19 or 20. My boyfriend is a pretty good guy and he helps out with a lot in my family. In the beginning, my mom was against us dating because of our age difference, however she gave in and finally got to know him. My boyfriend drives so he takes me a lot of places I need to go (work and school). My mom likes him and respects him a lot but she’s against me sleeping at his house. Although I respect my mom, she feels as if I only want to spend the night with him to have sex, when I don’t. My mom, works all day long and because of that I have a lot of free time(when I’m not working myself) to be with him. Time to have sex with him if I wanted to. So basically I don’t need to spend the night with him just to have sex. I want to spend the night with him because I just like feeling the warmth of him next to me as we watch movies, cuddles and sleep. He spends the day at my house sometimes while my mom is there and we sleep on the bed together watch movies etc, so I don’t see the big deal if it happens at night. As a parent you should know what is wrong and right for you kids. If they are emotionally and mentally mature enough then yes if not then no. But it’s all about building a level of trust with your child and letting them know the consequences of their actions.

  71. Clinton April 13, 2016 at 2:37 am

    So i wanted to go downtown and have a two day date with this girl, no sexual activities just, spend the night alone in a house my friend is willing to lend, we have separate rooms and I feel like thats totally fine right? how can i tell her about doing this (we are not dating, just catching up, but i want to spend time with her since it has been about 3 years) and having her parents agree, Because i want to take her out to the meseum, dinner, breakfast and lunch before we head home. And i wanted to make it a memorable memory.

  72. Caroline May 7, 2018 at 3:00 am

    My mom let’s me stay over my boyfriends house all the time! I know she is disappointed but we never do anything bad at all. Also noting I’m a junior in high school and he’s a senior. My mom makes sure his dad knows and everything and all we do when I stay over is just hang out and watch movies. Honestly don’t know what the big deal is. She should know how to take responsibility in herself if she’s staying over, don’t let her do anything she’ll regret later on. I understand your concern but there NEEDS to be a teenager perspective on this situation also. This has nothing to do with the Bible or God. This is a personal “problem” and you should let your daughter stay over, let her live her teen years, you’ll never get them back.

  73. anonymous89 May 7, 2018 at 3:33 am

    Times have not changed as much as you think. What you should really consider is how much you can trust your daughter and her boyfriend to have self control and be responsible if they’re going to have a sleepover. Talk with her boyfriend’s parents and see how they feel about it. This situation should be tailored to individuals rather than treating everyone the same. If you feel you can trust your daughter having a sleepover with her boyfriend without anything happening then you should think about letting them have one at your place. That way you can keep an eye on them, tell them not to lock the door etc. but don’t be overbearing.

    At the end of the day, as the parent, you still have the authority to say yes or no on the matter. Is this something you feel comfortable with? only you can answer that question but personally, I would at least allow it to happen once as a test, give them a chance to show they can have a sleepover without doing anything they might regret.

  74. Chloecitty May 8, 2018 at 12:31 pm

    If I may just say something I came to this webiste, because my boyfriend lives around 10 hours away two states over from me. I wanted to go over to his house this summer for a week or two just so I could see him. I couldn’t careless about sleeping in the same bed as him. In fact I wouldn’t want to anyways. I feel like being that intimate should wait until marriage. (I’m only 14 bare in mind) I just want to be able to see him, so is it wrong to sleepover at his house even if I sleep in a different room?

  75. What the world come2? May 9, 2018 at 2:51 am

    I find it funny that all the teens in here commenting are girls saying it’s not about the sex. Goes along with when asked can a boy and a girl be JUST (Platonic) friends. Every girl said yes and every boy said no. That’s why society puts regulations for the youth. Cause they’re still kids!! As everyone says above, we as parents have a responsibility to teach our kids the difference between good and bad choices. In my opinion, kids in relationships that have sleep overs are ghetto. Cause that’s where it happens more. If you as a parent allow sleep overs, might as well let them make other poor choices like getting tattoos, drinking and yall know other bad stuff like that

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  77. Tak August 18, 2018 at 6:45 pm

    Teens use the excuse that lots of parents let their boyfriends sleep over when in actuality, it isn’t normal. If you are a parent and actually believe that crap, then you are gullible and don’t know that most teens lie their asses off. They will then manipulate and control the household. Might as well give the big pants to them because you parents are too stupid to realize there are boundaries to uphold but you let them run you over with their deceitful lies. If they’re going to have sex anyway you say, well make it harder for them to do it instead of giving it to them on a platter. If you’re worried about restricting their freedom, well freedom costs money. Condoms and birth controls aren’t 100 percent foolproof so if they do happen to have a baby, can they support the baby without having the parents step in to help? If they can’t raise a baby, then they shouldn’t be having sex. Go buy your teens sex toys to masturbate to get their raging hormones off.

  78. Hope August 19, 2018 at 11:21 pm

    I’m at the age were I’m dating and going to be driving. I’m in High School where my family and friends say that it’s going to be the best years of your life. I have a boyfriend and he’s amazing, I like him and my grandparents like him. But the fact that they can’t trust me ruins the bond between us. My boyfriend comes over and we go to the mall, it was a long drive and we were both tired he had to leave so we went to go get his hat out of my room but my grandma wasn’t okay with it. We weren’t up in my room for more than like 2minutes and she says that I can’t be in the room with him. After he lifted I asked her why she got mad about it and she said that it’s not appropriate, I told her nothing would happen, that they were home and the door would be open. Why is it that this is? Why doesn’t she trust me?

  79. Ian August 20, 2018 at 9:04 pm

    Ok Red, I see that you called me out. But for what exactly. My point is still a valid one if you give it thought. I never said I had the ability to stop my teen from having sex. I teach and educate to the best of my ability, but my belief is that sex is an adult act with adult consequences and therefore it must carry adult responsibilities.
    How us it my responsibility to provide a place to do it? Or incur the extra expenses that come along. Food, drink, hygiene products and toiletries, etc. My point is if yoh want to co-habitate then do so. It is not my responsibility to pay for or accept. I am as free as you to have my own beliefs. The difference between us is…I pay my bills. Not you and not my child therefore I have the right to set the rules in my own home.
    And yes, acceptance does create a false sense of reality for the kids who play house.

  80. anon August 26, 2018 at 9:51 pm

    Strict parents raise sneaky kids. As a teenager, I know this because I have friends that are always lying to their parents. Every time they hear “No” from their parents just makes them want to do something even more. However, having parents that trust you, and i’m speaking for a lot of teenagers, is the best feeling ever. You never want to do anything “bad” because you don’t want to lose your parents trust. I’m just gonna say this because you can decide however you want to raise your kids, but just remember what I said.

  81. Kenn January 10, 2019 at 8:00 pm

    Need guidance myself as a parent… This is going to be real talk, and it’s not about the sexual aspect in my mind.
    Have a son who just turned 16. 4.3 GPA, plays 3 sports, saved his money for a Mustang and is working his ass off to go Ivy League. Quintessential panty-dropping good looking kid, with girls that throw themselves at him. He’s a virgin by choice, but has been dating a girl for 8 months who’s as committed to her future as he is. He clearly makes responsible decisions. They’re getting close to having sex. I’m fine with that. We’ve talked about that. He has condoms. We’ve talked through STD’s and why you shouldn’t sleep with every girl that comes up to you, and what he wants in a wife and relationship. I even let them have alone time in the room together, because I know I can’t control if/when they do. Much rather have it at my house than his GF trying to figure out how to give him a handjob or BJ in the bushes behind the school like others have.

    Where my challenge is… when she comes over, she says hi and they go straight up to his room, and the door is shut and locked for hours on end. My dad would have knocked me into next week if I even brought a girl to my room, let alone shut the door and locked it. He would’ve been like the Kool-Aid man busting through the wall. I feel my son laces her and his wants OVER my decision as a parent. It’s not about having sex for me… cuddling, sex, whatever… he’s clear on the consequences that he will be 100% responsible for. If he want’s to lose his opportunity for Ivy League, that’s on him. He catches a disease, that’s on him. I’ll help him through it, but he’ll bear the brunt of the responsibility.

    I allow him 90 minutes in the room with the door shut and locked. You wanna do stuff? Great… teens can have sex at least 180 times in 90 minutes. Have at it. Do it until you can’t walk right. It’s me feeling disrespected and not appreciated in my own house. I feel I’ve met him MORE than half way with 90 minutes of closed door action with the door open after that, and yet what I’ve allowed him to do is blown off and I get the, “You just don’t understand” attitude and eye roll. PFfff… Really? I feel there’s a lack of respect in what I do for him, so him doing this and not appreciating what I contribute to him even having a room, and having the childhood that I’ve sacrificed to give him makes me a bit frustrated. You don’t need to be in the room with the door closed to watch a movie. Watch it downstairs. You want to have a personal conversation? Take her to a coffee shop. I just don’t want you in the room all day with it locked with her. It makes me not like her, despite me knowing how much my son loves her. I want to like her, because he makes her happy. I just feel disrespected by the whole thing.

    1. Kenn January 10, 2019 at 8:43 pm

      …. And I forgot to say, this weekend, he wants to spend Friday night, all day Saturday, and Saturday night over at her house. I think that’s a bit excessive. Spend the night Friday… hang out Saturday and then come home and sleep Saturday night before midnight. Am I crazy?

  82. Pingback: Comment on Is it okay for boyfriend/girlfriend to sleep over each others house? by Lisa Marie Starke – My world

  83. Madison April 28, 2019 at 12:16 am

    I don’t see what is wrong with staying the night. You can even have me come home at a certain time in the morning. Do parents seriously don’t allow is because they think we’ll have sex? I’m guessing that’s what they did but times really changed. How can you allow us to go over there until a certain curfew and not suspect a thing? We could’ve had sex around that time. It really doesn’t stop anything but make us feel restricted. I get it if it’s too soon but I don’t think it’s really up to the parents to decide for us when we are growing adults.

  84. Ilse August 20, 2019 at 2:55 pm

    hi. Religion and teenage ideas aside. If the law in your country says that you are responsible for your childs wellbeing until the age of 16…then you have to make sure there is no way anyone will break that law (statutory rape). You are the mom and you are RESPONSIBLE for your underaged child. Its so interesting when teenagers say that we moms are being idiots but as soon as they get knocked up and need help, we are the first person thats there for them…well from what ive seen here in my country. My daughter is not allowed to stay over at her boyfriend as the legal age here is 18. I give her plenty space when she sleeps over at a friend but im always in contact with the friends moms too. When she is 18 she can sleep where and with whom she so wishes as it will be of consenting age and hopefully by then she will be emotionally mature enough to make healthy choices. In the meantime, Ill be the least liked person and keep her safe for as long as Im capable of…or die trying.

  85. Lover September 2, 2019 at 3:03 am

    Let your Daughter spend the night with her boyfriend. If she really loves this boy then let them have sex. There is nothing wrong with sex before marriage. Me and my boyfriend had sex every night. I would have him go though my window when my parents went to bed. Let them sleep together!

  86. Anna October 17, 2019 at 11:40 pm

    I’m 18. I turned 18 this past June and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now. My parents would never let me spend the night with him. Just too taboo for the culture that they grew up in, but now I live at a dorm at school and he spends the night occasionally. I can say honestly that there is no sexual intention in this act of spending the night together. We just hang out and sometimes it gets late and he lives a ways away; it just makes sense for him to stay the night. I truly don’t see a bad thing about spending the night with a significant other, but if my parents knew he was spending the night at my dorm they would freak out. They say it’s about self-respect, but if I think it’s not a bad thing then there’s no reason to lose respect for myself if we do it. Also we’ve been having sex for a while, something my parents always taught me to save for marriage and they never let us stay home alone together. When my mom found out we were having sex she just said to stay safe, I think she realized that there wasn’t anything she could do to stop it.

    So, teenagers are going to find ways to have sex if they want to. I don’t think they should be spending the night often, but once and a while isn’t bad. I think the worst part is that my parents will never explain to me why I can’t. It’s always just “no”, “it’s wrong”, and “it’s tradition”. But I don’t agree or even understand why it’s wrong and that’s not the culture I grew up in. I’m 18 yes, but they still talk to me like this. I think it’s important to stop treating your kids like a kid at some point and to start talking to them like adults. Best case scenario, they might agree with you and they won’t do it and they’ll stop asking. Worst case scenario, they won’t agree but they’ll feel respected. They might be upset for a while but they won’t feel resentful because you talked to them like an adult.

  87. Anthony November 6, 2019 at 2:58 am

    Ok look here teen boyfriend and girlfriends should never and I repeat never be allowed to sleep over sleep together in any way shape or form there two young there young minds need to be focused on there future getting thru high school maybe collage they need to be at home being raised and watched over by there parents who should be preaching self respect and instilling good morals and family values not at some other parents house getting filled with there ways. Teens are not adults there immature and make bad decisions, they don’t rationalize they think they know it all but dont. And today’s teens have learned to manipulate any situation to guilt trip parents. If a teen was able to make life decisions and rationaleuzeleuze right from wrong they’d be called adults your kids need your guidance and dusapline to give them the best chance to succeed in life they don’t need parent friends. Parents be parents teach guide live and dusapline your kids and for God’s sake don’t let them spend the night with there boyfriends

  88. AMV June 26, 2020 at 6:51 am

    Wow, this thread was an… interesting read. I know this article is old, but here I am anyway with my essay of an answer. I am a young adult and I fully support open and honest communication. I clearly have my opinion, but I hope to state it in a reasonable and civilized manner, so that even if you still disagree after you read this, you can respect what I have to say.

    It appears to me that each side in this argument is, consciously or unconsciously, stereotyping the other. This is easy to do online. It is certainly possible that I am wrong, but it seems to me that when someone in the thread mentions that they are a teenager, the adults who are against sex and young couples sleeping over together assume that Anonymous is an ignorant child.

    Stereotypes are based on truth, and I will start it off by acknowledging that since I am not yet 25 or 30, my brain has not yet fully developed, and so the decisions I make now are not quite as intelligent as they would be, were I older. Young people, it’s a struggle sometimes. Those who are older often have wisdom about life and you likely want to respect your parents, and yet you may feel as though they do not respect you. To those who are parents, do you believe that you have raised your child well? Do you believe that they are intelligent, responsible, and capable?

    As many people have stated, if two people want to have sex, they are able to. This is indisputable. Parents, if your teenager wants to have sex (and hopefully the person they want to have sex with is enthusiastically consensual), it can happen. Teenagers, if you want to have sex, you know can find a way to make it happen.

    Since sex can happen whether a parent is comfortable with it or not, the best thing to do is to provide teenagers with the information and tools that they need to be safe about it. Yes, there is the risk of pregnancy and STDS, and those can carry a lot of weight. Yes, people need to understand that there are possible consequences, however, if two teenagers do understand, they will wait until they are comfortable and use protection once they are.

    There is no guaranteed way to eliminate the chance of a pregnancy, besides abstinence, but if you combine a hormonal method and a barrier method, and use Plan B* if the barrier method fails, then the chance is essentially nonexistent. I am more than happy to admit that the chance still does exist, and so a young person of any gender should consider what they would do if they or their partner became pregnant.

    *Although it is very expensive at most pharmacies, off brand products with the same active ingredient are far cheaper if you order online. It can be very reassuring to have a backup stash just in case, to take it as quickly as possible to increase effectiveness, and to avoid any awkwardness in the pharmacy.

    Ideally, every teenager would voluntarily have a conversation with their parent(s) before becoming sexually active for the first time, and every time thereafter that they sought advice or wanted someone in which to confide. This is the safest way to avoid pregnancy and STDs, but it is only possible if the teenager is not scared of their parents’ reaction.

    Babies are human beings, children are human beings, teenagers are human beings, and adults are human beings. All of them deserve respect. It is true that young people do not have the same cognitive capabilities as adults, but I believe that it should be understood that when a person reaches the age of consent, they are able to consent to sex, if they so choose.

    On that note, we reach the touchy subject that is age gaps and age in general. Legally, in the United States, the age of consent is about 16, depending on the state. Many people lose their virginities before that age, and it’s true that sometimes it could negatively impact them psychologically. Of course, there is large a difference between a 15 year old and a 13 year old. Many states do have “Romeo and Juliet Laws,” which negate the crime of those close in age engaging in relations if one of them is legally an adult. I respect the legal 4 year gap, but I do not feel comfortable giving an opinion on age gaps in general. The conditions are very dependent on the case, and if open communication is utilized, the best solution should come to light.

    I would also like to remind everyone that it is okay to be a virgin. It is okay to not be a virgin. You can have one night stands if you want. You can remain a virgin for life if you want. It is okay to only ever sleep with your significant other after you are married. It is okay, once you are comfortable and able to consent, to have sex with many different people over your lifetime. You can also choose anywhere in the middle. And slut-shaming is always wrong. Unless someone is being unsafe or has been diagnosed as an addict, there is no reason for anyone to negatively comment on the amount of sex they are having.

    This brings us to society’s stance on gender stereotypes. In the next few sentences I will refer to the binary to reflect these stereotypes. Typically, when a boy sleeps with many girls, people look up to him, and when a girl sleeps with many boys, people look down upon her. Where is the equality? Should we also ridicule him or should we look up to her? Neither. I believe that either way, it is someone’s personal choice of what they are comfortable with and happy doing. Frankly, it’s only the business of those directly involved.

    But now you say, “No! It is my business; it’s my child!” and you have a valid point there. However, your business is ensuring that your child is comfortable with what they choose or do not choose to do with their body, and making sure that they do (or do not) do it safely. It does not make sense logically or morally for you to attempt to restrict a person’s decision on what they safely, legally, and comfortably do with their own body.

    Open communication between a parent and their teenager helps to increase the chance that they are comfortable discussing sex with their partner, which is incredibly important. People in general need to feel comfortable with anything that happens to their bodies and feel confident in their ability to say no when they are uncomfortable.

    To recap, many things are important: communication between parents, teenagers, and their significant others; protection; consent; and respect. Now, I shall touch upon the reason for this blog and thread: sleepovers. Is it okay for teenagers to sleep over at each others houses, with or without having sexual relations?

    Yes, with or without. Many older people may scoff at it, but the teenagers above who have insisted that sleepovers are not about sex are telling the truth. I’d like to put myself up as an example. When I was 16 I began a 3 year relationship with my boyfriend, my first serious one. For our anniversary, we wanted to have a sleepover together, and so we each had to talk to our parents.

    You’re right, it was extremely awkward, but it shouldn’t have to be. My point is, we really did just want to have a sleepover and that is what we did. However, our parents wanted to take precautions, and also talked to each other about it. It is normal to feel protective of your child, and that is one healthy way of protecting your teenager(s). Since the parents didn’t completely believe us, I began to take the pill, which came in handy when we did decide we were both ready to have sex about four months later. Yes, we also used condoms. Yes, the one time the condom broke we went to a pharmacy in the morning to pick up Plan B.

    Generally, the actual act of staying the night asleep in someone’s bed isn’t about sex at all. Cuddling, holding hands, kissing, and talking are all nonsexual forms of intimacy that aid in love and help a healthy relationship. Yes, I will acknowledge the elephant in the room; people often do have sex under those circumstances.

    If a teenager has a sleepover with their partner, it is fairly likely that they will have sex and it is also possible that they will not. If your teenager tells you that they are not going to have sex, do your best to believe them, but it is also good to provide protection just in case, or for in the near future. So now we’ve reached the part that is exceedingly controversial: sleepover equals sex?

    A sleepover could equal sex, but stopping your teenager from having a sleepover will not stop them from having sex if that was their intention. During any period of time that they are unsupervised, it could happen. Does that mean you should monitor them at all times? No, because they are also a human being who deserves basic privacy, like spending time in their room and being the sole reader of their text messages.

    I remember in a health class video from 10th grade, a European parent remarked something like, “If they’re going to have sex, I’d rather them do it in a bed under my roof than in a car or the woods.” The sentiment that I took from that indirect quote is something I fully stand by. However, I have seen some parents in this thread who take that approach be attacked by other parents for allowing their teenager to have sex.

    That leads us to the true question fueling most of the issue at hand: is sex wrong? As previously mentioned, cis women are more often looked down upon for having sex, and parents can be snubbed by other parents for knowingly allowing their child to have sex. No, sex is not wrong, as long as it is being had by two enthusiastically consenting people of age.

    If you haven’t heard “enthusiastic consent” before, it may seem a little strange to you that I’ve mentioned it twice now. The main idea behind enthusiastic consent is that it has the potential to reduce the chance of sexual assault by coercion. It should not take asking the question over and over until the person says yes; they should want to say yes on their own. And yes, you have to ask the question.

    You need to ask permission before engaging further with someone sexually, even if it is a “smaller” step than having sex. If you have been with the person before, you could have easy communication with facial and body expressions, but if not, asking is the only acceptable option. You may be thinking, “Isn’t that awkward?” and it could be, but if someone is not able to talk about sex then they should not be having sex. If you are an adult with a teenage child, you have had sex and you should be able to talk to your teen about sex, even if you may feel uncomfortable.

    It’s gotten very late now and I’m too tired to write anymore. I apologize if I’ve made any grammatical errors. If anyone is still reading, please feel free to share your opinion in a respectful manner. I’ll start by stating that yes, I am a cis female who had sex before marriage and before the age of 18. To those with strong religious beliefs, I am a confirmed Christian and you can say I am a sinner and you’d be right, but only he who is without sin can cast the first stone. Those offenses were also allowed by my parents, about which I refer you to the previous sentence. Those offenses, however, are the safest and healthiest ways to approach the topic of sex with your teenager, whether they express interest or not.

    To parents with open minds about respecting their child’s ability to communicate and make decisions about what they are comfortable with, I commend you for supporting them and keeping them safe and happy. To parents who do not agree with my opinion, I hope that you’ve at least taken the time to think about an opposing stance. To parents who are on the fence, I hope to encourage you to lean toward valuing your child more than any possible social backlash. To teenagers who have open minded parents, a true congratulations, because you can comfortably choose to have sexual relations or not, and either way you have their support. To teenagers who are struggling with this issue, I hope that your parents can consider another viewpoint in the future. Unfortunately, they may refuse, and if they do, just remember that you will be 18 soon enough, and you can easily have sex without having a sleepover if you so desire (please use protection, ideally both hormonal and barrier). To people who do not fit any of this criteria, I hope you found this at least somewhat interesting or informative. To all who have read this far, I truly appreciate it. Thank you and goodnight.

  89. Cassie July 29, 2020 at 1:39 am

    My parents wouldn’t let my teenage boyfriend stay over. We loved each other and we lived on opposite sides of town. He ended up being my husband. I was the ONLY one out of all the kids I knew who wasn’t allowed this. It complicated how we could see each other and I ended up staying at his house all the time instead, moving out of home when I was only 16. I was treated very badly by his family and this affected my mental health and life trajectory. I missed out on living near my friends and my parents were no longer an influence to me in my late teens. I never did go home. I think they thought I would turn around one day and say “you were right I understand now”. But now I’m am 30 and run my own family with my 4th child on the way. I have bought a bigger house with my husband so that we can cater for our teenagers. So they can have healthy relationships and stay home longer with partners staying over. We want them to leave home with house deposits and uni degrees and nothing less. I told my parents now at 30 that I still think they were very wrong, and the anger and resentment still stands. I would never do that to my own children is what I said. As generations pass there become new norms, and this one will die with my parents. I have learnt from their mistakes.


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