Is it EVER going to get easier?

I am sitting here during my lunch hour at work contemplating how my husband and I are going to deal/handle yet another “drama” with our daughter, Olivia. Just when I think there’s hope, the mask comes off and here comes reality staring me in the face.

I just grounded Olivia.

I decided to type up a contract that basically lists what she is grounded from, why she’s grounded and how she can get all her privileges back. One of the items on the list was that I decided to turn off Olivia’s cell phone until her father and I see changes in her. We want to see that she is focused on what’s important, like school!
I understand Olivia is a “typical teenager.”  But, after a while, that phrase just doesn’t cut it anymore. That excuse has been overused. I know I will get a call from her friend’s phone telling me her phone is not working. When I tell her I shut it off, she will of course say “why”?
I am hoping this “contract’ will help Olivia get back on track. She has too many distractions and it’s my job as her parent to eliminate them and get her focused.
I wish there was a book that could give parents the answers whenever we have issues with our teenagers because raising them is not getting any easier as they get older!

So parents of older teens, I ask you.. “Is it EVER going to get easier?” How long do I have to wait?

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6 Comments

  1. Melinda Nichols March 20, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    So true I went in search of help and support and found this website. “drama” is not the word when it comes to raising teenage girls. My daughter is 14 and driving me crazy. The mood swings from happy, to mad, to sad, crying is a bit much when you ask whats wrong if you get an answer its I hate school or some trivial teenage drama but after you yourself have gone on a rollercoaster of emotions, wondering if someone is harming your child…..your post has helped

    Reply
  2. Christine July 11, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    I know what you mean. My 14 year old is already having all of the “typical” teenage drama and I keep asking myself how I’m going to survive this for another 4 years! I also have an 18 year old daughter but she was never the drama queen – I think my 14 year old is making up for both of them!

    Reply
    1. mominthesprings July 13, 2013 at 6:33 pm

      Christine-Take one day at a time, one drama at a time and one fight at a time. This will make you wiser, smarter and stronger. I don’t worry about what has not happened but I know at some point we have to stop being helicopter moms and let our kids fail, fall and hurt so they will learn and survive in the real world. I’m glad you enjoy our blog and hope you continue to read about the journey of raising a teen! Let me know how your 14 year old is doing!

      Reply
  3. HopelessMom January 6, 2014 at 3:10 am

    I am so tired of the ups and downs with my 15 year old daughter. She has no consideration for others. I find her very selfish and she speaks to me when she feels like it and at other times she acts like I am a neurotic, bipolar human who just rants and raves. I can’t get her to do anything. But, she expects me to wait on her every day. She takes food to her room and when I go to her room I see bowls, cups, plates and if I ask her to bring everything to the kitchen the response immediately is, “I am busy”. I am so tired of this nonsense. She acts like she is everything and others are inferior to her. I can’t take anymore of this selfishness. I feel so helpless and depressed.

    Reply
    1. mominthesprings January 22, 2014 at 5:42 pm

      Dear Hopeless Mom,

      I have been there and still am there. So glad you follow our blog and hope we can help or at least help you better understand that its not YOU! YOU are a good mom or all the things you listed wouldn’t bother you. YOU CARE which is more than alot of other moms do. Don’t give up. It will get better. I know there are times when you want to run away and say “I’m DONE, I can’t take it anymore.” When you feel like that, go for a walk, cry it all put, get angry, get pissed but don’t do anything you will regret. It’s part of the cycle of raising a teen. We have our good days and our bad. This is a stage your daughter is going through and if you hold on, she will be a better person in the end. I refuse to let her win and let me give up.. We don’t have that luxury. I want her to look back at her teenage years when shes 30 or 40 and say ” I’m glad my mom never gave up and I don’t know how she put up with my bullshit.” THAT is what I hold onto.. THAT DAY! So, HOLD ON!!
      Raquel

      Reply
      1. selfishmom March 1, 2016 at 1:30 pm

        I am late to this ball game but so very appreciative of it! One would think there would be plenty of support blogs “out there” by now, but there just isn’t. Thank you for creating this outlet.
        I am wholly sympathetic to “Hopeless Mom” as I have a 15 (almost 16 -going on 4 it seems!) daughter who has me feeling I’m not cut out for this job nearly everyday -sometimes several times a day. I appreciate and aspire to your words of “don’t let her win!” and will focus on that. She can truly be brutal in her attacks and criticism. Just this morning (and my inspiration to find a support group) she called me selfish. This is while I was driving her to school! It began because I was, quite literally, 30 seconds behind her getting into the car…. which was cold and needed to warmed a bit before putting it into drive. Sidenote… it’s her “job” to warm up the car on cold mornings. She said she didn’t this morning because she wasn’t sure which car we were taking (we have 2 when my son is home). No accountability. No consideration. Only the “You’re so selfish” statement. I laughed. Genuinely laughed. I found the comment truly funny coming from a child who gets driven to school everyday, picked up from swim practice everyday, has a meal cooked for her everyday, is given an allowance for doing the bare minimum of work (another argument), drive her and her friends places, open our home to any of her friends and boyfriend to “just hang out” as well as open our pantry to them. (The last one I don’t have an issue with at all. I love that the teens want to “hang out” under my roof. ) Reading this over, I seem like a pushover. But I think we all do it because we love our kids and want to be a part of their lives. I just don’t know how much more verbal abuse I can take though. I like mominthesprings advice of “don’t let her win”. My adult brain knows this is a “phase” but, again, just not sure how much more I can take.

        Reply

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