Raising Teens

A site for parents of teens striving for sanity

My tween boy is “girl crazy”

Every day when my 13-year-old son comes home from school he spends about 20 minutes telling me about his school day. Although, I don’t hear much about his classes, teachers or assignments.

The conversation usually starts with what girl joined him at the lunch table. Moves on to what girl wore a tight shirt or short shorts to school. And always includes what girl he talked to him the most on that particular day

Yes, my son is girl crazy!

My efforts to prod him about his science test or his math homework get overshadowed by his eagerness to talk about his conversations with his friend  over whether Susie is hotter than Jenny. He notices the girls who all of a sudden are wearing makeup to school.

While girls his age are swooning over Harry Stiles, my son is raptured by supermodel Kate Upton.

What’s a mother to do?

I’ve given the lectures about what to value in the opposite sex (intelligence, kindness, ambition) I have given him the talk about lust, love and sex. I grab every teachable moment to talk about what to value in women beyond looks. I’ve seen tons of advice for mothers of “boy crazy” tween girls but not a lot of mothers of boys.

All I can do is hope this “girl crazy” 13-year-old boy will one day find a woman he adores for all the right reasons. Until then, I’m trying to be a good listener and help him navigate the middle school years. Something tells me it’s only going to get more challenging!

 

 

3 Comments

  1. That’s the big challenge, isn’t it: being a good listener! There is so much going on during these years and teens are getting so much information thrown their way. A parent who knows how to listen can learn how to connect with their teen and be heard. I wish you all the best with that!

  2. Hi Cindy,

    It sounds like you are setting a good foundation for a healthy relationship with your son as he navigates discovering himself as an adolescent. It can be very easy as parents to judge what are teens are doing as good or bad and I really encourage you to focus on the quality of relationship with your son and be very aware when you have the, “I am not sure this is okay” feelings come up for you. If he senses you judging him it may effect the quality of the relationship-and the relationship is paramount.

    My understanding of the phenomena of girl/boy crazy is that it is a temporary phase. Your son is at the early stage of puberty and hundreds of thousands of new brain cells are coming online every day. Hormones are flooding his brain and he will be “in transition” until his mid twenties. In other words, this too shall pass.

    I recommend continuing to listen to your son as you have indicated and make sure the message of love gets through. Some people are just more romance crazed than others and as long as he is engaging these feelings in a way that is safe and respectful (to both himself and his potential partners) then my sense is that there is no point in trying to shape what is true for him.

    Your son simply loves girls. That’s okay.

    Also, instead of lecturing you might try asking him open ended questions. Ask him what might be some ways he can show a girl that he likes her. Ask him how he might know if a girl likes him. Ask him how does he embody respect. Ask him about safety, both emotional and sexual. Maybe ask him if he has noticed this change in himself.

    The point is, our teens are going to do whatever they want weather we try to stop them or not. If we make their truth feel unwelcome then they are just going to go underground.

    Contact. Love. Inquire. Listen.

    Best,
    Brian

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